Be Careful For What You Wish For
by Sawnya
Summary: *COMPLETE* Master Roshi romance. Master Roshi wants a woman (big surprise), so he gathers the Dragonballs together and wishes a fashion doll to life to be his girlfriend. She is everything that he has asked for, but nothing like he expected.
1. Chapter One: Roshi's Day At The Mall

BE CAREFUL FOR WHAT YOU WISH FOR  
  
DBZ Disclaimer: I, of course do not own any characters or things in DragonballZ, except for Candy Apple, who is exclusively my character.  
  
(This occurs one year after Goku defeats Majin Buu. This is a Master Roshi (Kamesennin for non-dub fans) story. Master Roshi is a pervert, as we all know, but deep down, he is a bit lonely, even with all the people living with him. He does want a woman to love, someone to accept him for who he is, but his being a dirty old man drives women away. After he hears Juuhachigou (Android Eighteen) read "Pygmalion and Galatea" to her daughter, Marron, an idea comes to him. He is able to implement his plan when Krillin gives him money and asks him to go to the nearest mall to buy Marron a "Candy Apple Fashion Doll" for her fifth birthday…)  
  
Chapter One: Roshi's Day At The Mall  
  
"I find it odd that an old man would be interested in buying himself a 'Candy Apple' fashion doll." Oolong said to Roshi, while at the same time ogling the beautiful teen girls wandering about the Satan City Mall. He, Roshi, and Umigame were shopping for a 'Candy Apple' doll as a surprise for Marron's fifth birthday. Krillin had been helping his wife, Juuhachigou prepare for their daughter's birthday party, and he had asked Roshi earlier that day, if he would pick up the 'Candy Apple' doll.  
  
"Yeah," Roshi's turtle best friend agreed. "But then, he can't buy anymore inflatable dolls," Umigame told Oolong. "That adult store, 'Sex Toys Story' had him permanently banned."  
  
"That's not my fault!" Roshi wailed. "How was I supposed to know that that nice set of bikini-clad boobs sitting on the counter were real? All of those leather masks were blocking her face, and the boobs didn't feel real at first! I thought that nice chest would make a nice knickknack for my nightstand."  
  
"Well, he does have a point there," Oolong agreed. "The boobs were fake, sort of anyway, for that girl was wearing a water bra. I think she was more upset over Roshi popping her water bra than anything else."  
  
"Well, that's going to cut down on Master Roshi's porn magazines for a while," Umigame said, not without some relief. "Sex Toys Story had some magazines there that even he couldn't get through the mail."  
  
"Quiet, you two!" Roshi ordered, looking at the numerous fashion dolls on the shelves in the toy store, named the Toy Chest. "Krillin asked me to buy his little girl a 'Candy Apple' doll, and that's what I'm going to do. Only, I'm going to buy an extra one for me."  
  
"Old man, why do you want a doll? Even you can't be that desperate, considering the doll is only ten inches tall. You have plenty of women to look at in those magazines that you still order-oh, by the way, can I borrow your new issue of 'Playthings'?" Oolong asked him.  
  
"Yeah, yeah, sure, just don't ruin the centerfold, okay?" Roshi said, looking at a "Candy Apple For President" doll, dressed in a prim, yet feminine pink suit and pillbox hat. "You know now that I think about it, boys, that centerfold does look a lot like these Candy Apple dolls."  
  
"I agree," Oolong said, with a low wolf whistle, looking at a "Candy Apple The College Cheerleader" doll. "Look at this one, decked out in a halter top and short, short skirt. These dolls are babes, I'll admit."  
  
"They are all the same girl," Umigame pointed out to both of them, but even the fashion dolls fascinated him, much to his own embarrassment.  
  
Candy Apple was the newest Barbie rip-off, only just as popular. Candy Apple had candy-apple red hair, emerald-green eyes, a bosom that would have been a C cup, had she been life-size, a perfect hourglass figure and slender shapely limbs. She had a cute, pointed nose and rosebud lips. Candy Apple dolls came in many occupations, ranging from President to Queen to even soldiers and warrior princesses. For a couple of weeks, there had even been a "Candy Apple The Hooker" doll, but that had been quickly pulled from the toy shelves, since many mothers of little girls complained, not only because of the bad influence the dolls would have had on their children, but because their husbands had insisted on buying the hooker dolls for themselves…  
  
Nevertheless, Candy Apple was a newcomer, and the most popular toy among little girls to come out this year. When Marron had seen some of the Candy Apple dolls that her friends had, she had been delighted, and she, of course, wanted one. Krillin had specifically asked Roshi to buy any Candy Apple doll, plus the Candy Apple Dream Mansion that included all of the trimmings, from a real working mini-Jacuzzi, to a three-car garage. And then, he asked Roshi to pick out at least ten Candy Apple doll outfits, but none too revealing or sexy, or Juuhachigou would have Krillin's head.  
  
Finally, after much discussion between Roshi and Oolong (and Roshi's disappointment that the Candy Apple Hooker Doll was no longer available, except on eBay), they chose for Marron a "Candy Apple The Academy Award Winner" doll, with Candy Apple wearing a long, glittering lavender dress, with a slit cut up on the side and silver slippers. She was also holding a miniature Oscar trophy in her hand. Her trademark 'I am always a winner' smile was on her lovely face.  
  
"Now one for myself," Roshi said triumphantly, after picking out all of Candy Apple's accessories for Marron's doll.  
  
"Why again do you want a Candy Apple doll, old man?" Oolong asked, now impatient to leave, for he had a seen a lovely African-American girl that he wanted to hit on walk out of the store.  
  
Roshi smiled devilishly. "Have you and Umigame ever heard of the story, 'Pygmalion and Galatea'."  
  
"I have," Umigame said positively. He loved to read, especially Greek mythology.  
  
"I've never heard of it," Oolong admitted, looking longingly at that beautiful black girl walking over to The Bookshelf, a popular bookstore.  
  
"Well, Pygmalion was a sculptor," Roshi explained. "I heard Juuhachigou read the story to Marron last night. Pygmalion fell in love with this beautiful statue of a woman that he had carved himself. He was so in love with her, that Venus, the Goddess of Love, made the statue real, and so 'Galatea' fell in love with her creator, and they lived happily ever after."  
  
"What does that story have to do with Candy Apple?" Oolong wanted to know, desperate to leave, so he could make a move on the black girl at The Bookshelf.  
  
"Maybe he's planning on sculpting a statue of her himself," Umigame theorized.  
  
"Oh, no, he is not taking up sculpting again!" Oolong declared, agitated. "The last time he took up sculpting, he managed to chop off his entire hand, trying to sculpt a replica of a girl in a centerfold!"  
  
"I only chopped off three fingers, you idiot!" Roshi declared indignantly. "And it wasn't a centerfold that I was trying to sculpt, it was Bulma!" He looked at his once maimed hand, fully and barely restored.  
  
"Ah yes, I remember that incident," Umigame said, with a small snicker. "It wouldn't have been so bad, Master Roshi, but that picture of Bulma that you were sculpting was completely nude."  
  
"Yeah, now I remember!" Oolong declared, with a full snicker. "He didn't lose his entire hand to his tools; he lost the rest of his hand because Vegeta found out that he not only had a nude picture of Bulma, but that he was trying to sculpt Bulma being completely naked. That was when the old man lost the rest of his hand because Vegeta blasted it off! We had to wait three months for the Dragonballs to be restored, so that we could restore his hand."  
  
"And Roshi finally learned his lesson and hadn't touched Bulma since," Umigame said. "He's even afraid to look at her these days."  
  
"I am not, Umigame!" Roshi roared.  
  
"Yeah, as long as Vegeta's not nearby," Oolong snickered again.  
  
"Anyway," Roshi said pointedly, determined to change the subject. "I am going to be Pygmalion, and Candy Apple will be my Galatea."  
  
Oolong and Umigame were mutually puzzled. "Explain that again, old man," Oolong told his old friend.  
  
"We are going to gather all of the Dragonballs together, so that I can wish a Candy Apple doll to come to life, full size, and be my girlfriend!" Roshi announced finally.  
  
Oolong and Umigame both fell over backwards, crashing into the display of Candy Apple dolls. The employees of The Toy Chest came rushing to their aid, and Master Roshi found the doll that he wanted amidst the mess.  
  
"I found my woman!" he cried happily, picking up a "Candy Apple Warrior Princess" doll. She was dressed in an apple-green fighting gi and lavender obi, with a kanji on her chest. "I found the woman of my dreams!"  
  
Now it was the employees' turn to fall over backwards. 


	2. Chapter Two: Roshi Makes His Wish

Chapter Two: Roshi Makes His Wish  
  
It took about three weeks, but with Oolong and Umigame's help, Master Roshi was able to find all seven of the Dragonballs to wish his Candy Apple doll to come to life. He had bought fifty outfits for her, including shoes, accessories, sporting gear, weapons, and anything else that Candy Apple might need.  
  
Oolong and Umigame still weren't enthusiastic about Roshi's idea, but they figured they could at least help him, so that he wouldn't screw up his chances once Candy Apple was wished to life.   
They both helped Roshi to make a list of the qualities that he wanted for his new girlfriend, or concubine, or whatever he planned Candy Apple for…  
  
"Well, she will already be beautiful," Umigame said, "so let's wish for some other qualities for her as well. Let's make her strong, a fighter."  
  
"And intelligent," Roshi told him, "with a genius IQ."  
  
"Are you sure you want her to be smart, old man?" Oolong pointed out. "She'd probably figure out what you're like in a heartbeat and run. If she's smart, she'll want a man closer to her age."  
Roshi cuffed him then. "That will be enough!" he cried, and then he thought of something else.   
"Yes, she must be wise and a genius, and a good cook too, a gourmet cook, just like Lunch had been…and make her a good housekeeper, as well. I'll ask Shenlong to make her kind and gentle, generous and loving, with a pure heart, but also with spirit and courage-"  
  
Oolong rubbed his swollen head. "Yeah, old man, to put up with you, she's going to need all of the courage that she can get!"  
  
"Very funny, pig," Roshi scoffed. "Anyway, she must like kids and pets, and we'll have her have medical knowledge, the knowledge of a doctor-"  
  
"So that if he cuts himself again, or ticks Vegeta off, he'll have someone to take care of him," Umigame added with a grin.  
  
"That will save on the medical bills, that's for sure," Oolong agreed, his grin mirroring Umigame's.  
  
Roshi sighed. His two closest friends were impossible. "She must have a great sense of fashion and always try to look good, but not become high maintenance. And she must be athletic and lots of fun, always impulsive, adventurous, and daring and willing to try new things. And of course, she must be good in bed, know how to have sex and please a man-"  
  
"I'm surprised that didn't rank at the top of your list, old man," Oolong snickered.  
  
"Quiet!" Roshi ordered. "She must be willing to try new things in bed, as well. And she should be open-minded, yes, open-minded. Include fine table manners and class and dignity as well. Give her great common sense and basic knowledge, as well as making her an expert in martial arts, one of the best female fighters on this planet. And there are some things that I want her to be that are more important to me than all of the rest."  
  
"Such as?" Umigame prompted.  
  
"She must be completely devoted to me, completely loyal, and love me for who I am," Roshi said wistfully.  
  
"Got it," Umigame said, rolling up the list of Roshi's qualities for his new woman after writing the last things down. "Oolong, will you get the Dragonballs, please?"  
  
"Sure thing," Oolong told him.  
  
All of them went outside of Kame House and to the edge of the seashore, where Master Roshi laid all seven Dragonballs in the sand. He then called, "Eternal Dragon, come forth!"  
  
The impressive Eternal Dragon, Shenlong, came forth, yawning from his deep sleep. He then snickered when he saw Master Roshi, who was holding up his "Candy Apple Warrior Princess" doll.   
"You, again, Master Roshi? What body part did Prince Vegeta blast off this time? The little one between your legs? I thought I warned you before about messing with a Saiyan Prince's mate…"  
  
Roshi growled. "I have all of my body parts, thank you! Anyway, I wish for you to bring this doll to life, giving her all of the following qualities and requirements…"  
  
He then read out his long list of requirements for the new love of his life, as well as the request to make all of her things real and life-size, and after about an hour had passed, Shenlong finally sighed and said, "Very well, your wish is granted. Farewell!" And the dragon disappeared.  
  
And lying in Master Roshi's arms, much to his delight, was a beautiful woman, the life-size version of Candy Apple, only alive and breathing.  
  
"Master Roshi!" she cried out with delight, embracing his neck tight.  
  
Roshi's face turned red, and he grinned. Umigame and Oolong sighed.  
  
  
Piccolo was meditating, floating the air just a bit above the tiled floors of Dende's Palace. He looked up, and his eyes narrowed, as he noticed the Eternal Dragon fade away, and the Dragonballs scatter in all directions. He was seeing it all in his head.  
  
He grumbled, "I should have known that old pervert would try something like this."   
  
Dende, who had been watching Piccolo for the past hour, had also known about Master Roshi's wish to bring his Candy Apple doll to life. "Come on, Piccolo, he's just a lonely old man who wanted a companion, someone to love, and someone to love him in return."  
  
"He ordered her up, like he would a plate of food in a restaurant," Piccolo complained. "He could have wished for himself to be younger, to be stronger, but instead, he wishes for a hunk of plastic and hair to be brought to life to satisfy his own desires."  
  
"He wants someone to love," Dende told his mentor simply. "Deep down, it had always been his secret desire."  
  
"Sure he does," Piccolo snickered. "And Vegeta's secret desire has always been to be a prima ballerina! Well, I hope he's satisfied, that he got what he wished for."  
  
"Well, he's got what he wished for alright," Dende said calmly, "but it will be nothing like he expects…"  
  
"What do you mean, young man?" Piccolo wanted to know.  
  
Dende smiled enigmatically. "Watch and observe, Piccolo, watch and observe…"  
  
Juuhachigou, Krillin, and Marron came running out of Kame House to see what had happened. Marron had told her parents about a "big, scary dragon" and seven golden balls with red stars. She had been watching Roshi make his wish from her bedroom window.  
  
"Who made a wish?" Krillin wanted to know.  
  
"You've got me," Juuhachigou told her husband.  
  
"Look!" Marron cried excitedly. "Master Roshi has a pretty lady in his arms, and she looks just like Candy Apple!"  
  
"Huh?" both of her parents asked.  
  
"She looks like Master Roshi's Candy Apple Warrior Princess doll!"  
  
Juuhachigou made a face. "Why would an old man want a fashion doll?"  
  
Krillin asked, "When did Master Roshi buy himself a Candy Apple doll?"  
  
"I don't know," Marron told her mother and father. She held her "Candy Apple The Academy Award Winner" doll close to her chest. Her birthday party had been two weeks ago.  
  
"His dirty magazine collection must not be enough to occupy his mind these days," Juuhachigou sighed, hoping that Marron had not seen anything in those magazines yet.  
  
Master Roshi was running up the shoreline, with a happy Candy Apple in his arms. Oolong and Umigame were barely able to keep up with him. "Look who I have! My own woman!" Roshi crowed happily. "I brought my Candy Apple doll to life!"  
  
"Candy Apple is alive? For real?" Marron asked happily. "Wow! Alright!"  
  
"Oh no!" both Krillin and Juuhachigou groaned.  



	3. Chapter Three: She's Everything Roshi Wa...

Chapter Three: She's Everything Roshi Wanted, But Nothing Like He Expected…  
  
The next day.  
  
Marron had offered her guest bed in her bedroom to Candy Apple, who happily took it. The little blond girl was happy to have a fashion doll brought to life, and she thought that a living Candy Apple was even better than the Candy Apple doll that she already had. She showed Candy Apple all of her toys, and she taught Candy Apple to play Chutes and Ladders, Candy Land, Tidily Winks, and Connect Four. Candy Apple learned quickly, and she and Marron already had formed a strong bond that night.  
  
Oolong and Turtle had barely talked Master Roshi out of telling Candy that she was supposed to sleep in his room and his bed. "She needs time to adjust, Master Roshi, to get to know you better. Don't be so eager to get her in bed with you right away," Turtle had advised. A disappointed Roshi had reluctantly agreed.  
  
Candy Apple woke up the next morning, fresh-faced and beautiful as ever. She put on a pair of designer jeans and a red angora sweater shirt. The clothes clung nicely to her curves, and when she came downstairs, all of the males in the house couldn't take their eyes off of her. Even Krillin was having a hard time not staring at her for too long.  
  
"Would anyone like cheese omelets and ham?" Candy asked everyone cheerfully. "I read the entire cookbook last night after little Marron went to bed, and I memorized all of the recipes. I'm going to make everyone a delicious breakfast." She sauntered into the kitchen. She gave Roshi a special smile.  
  
Master Roshi could barely keep from drooling. He had the look of a lovesick puppy on his face. "She's great, isn't she?" he sighed happily.  
  
"It's only day one, old man," Oolong told him. "Don't expect sparks to fly just yet."  
  
Candy returned, bringing a tray of glasses and mugs, filled with orange juice and coffee. She served everyone with her trademark smile, and then to everyone's surprise, she plopped her perfect, curvy body right down on Roshi's lap and gave him a long, heated kiss.  
Krillin and Juuhachigou choked on their coffee, and Marron's blue eyes widened to the size of Frisbees. Oolong snickered and Umigame groaned. Roshi's face reddened to the shade of his worst sunburn ever (which he received two years ago when he had been girl-watching on another island). When Candy pulled her face away from his, Roshi had a slack-happy grin on his aged face, and his eyes were closed.  
  
"Ahhh," he sighed contentedly. It was the first kiss that he had received in a hundred years (or at least that was what he told people later).  
  
Candy gently traced Roshi's mouth with her slender finger, and she began planting butterfly kisses all over his face. She nuzzled his wrinkled throat with her tiny, pointed nose, and then she gave him another heated smooch. She whispered something in his ear, and Roshi fell out of his chair, with a dazed expression and a goofy grin.  
  
"Well, I have to run," Candy told him merrily, as she arose to go into the kitchen. But before she could leave, she noticed that Krillin had a cut on his right arm, a small cut.  
  
"Did you treat that cut?" Candy asked him.  
  
Krillin looked briefly at his cut and shrugged. "It's just a small cut, no big deal. I cut my arm earlier sparring with my wife."  
  
"No big deal!" Candy exclaimed. "Why that could get infected! You wait right here, and I will get the antiseptic and bandages."  
  
"It's not necessary," Krillin protested, but Candy dashed out of the room. Within minutes, she had returned with a first aid kit, and she seized Krillin's arm hard. Krillin gasped, as Candy soaked a cotton ball with peroxide and dabbed it on his cut. She then wrapped it in several layers of gauze.  
  
"Candy, I don't need all of this…" Krillin continued to protest.  
  
"Of course you do. Now shush and let me finish," Candy told him firmly, as she taped it neatly with surgical tape. "There, all better," she said with a bright smile.  
  
"Umm…thanks, I think," Krillin sighed.  
  
"No problem," Candy said happily, as she casually traced a coffee table that Krillin had been sitting next to. Her happy smile faded when she noticed two layers of gray dust coating the tip of her finger.  
  
"When was the last time that anyone here dusted?" she asked curtly.  
  
No one could remember, and Oolong casually sat his orange juice on another coffee table without using a coaster. Candy saw this and went ballistic.  
  
"Don't you know that glass could leave rings on that nice cherry wood table! Use a coaster!"  
  
"It won't ruin it," Oolong retorted. "I've done it before." He would have gotten away with that too, except that Candy noticed a faint whitish ring on the corner of the polished cherry table. She didn't hesitate to point it out.  
  
"Someone left a glass on this nice table, and look at that ring! Oh, I must find some polish right away!" Candy cried aloud.   
"Where are your cleaning supplies, Roshi?"  
  
Roshi was unable to answer her, for he was still a daze over the kisses that she had given him. He was still lying on his side, smiling blankly.  
  
"Oh, I must remove that ring!" Candy declared, and she was about to do so when little Marron sneezed loudly. Candy rushed to the startled little girl and looked her over carefully.  
  
"Marron, poor thing! You must be coming down with a cold! I must take your temperature!"  
  
"I feel fine, Candy, really I do. The dust probably made me sneeze."  
  
"Well, then you must be allergic to the dust in this house! Well, I have got some cleaning to do today. In the meantime, sweetheart, until we know what actually caused you to sneeze, you must wear this dust mask." And then she quickly slipped a white surgical mask over Marron's face. Juuhachigou and Krillin just stared at her, wondering what sort of creature the Eternal Dragon had given Master Roshi.   
  
Candy then noticed a stack of books on the cherry coffee table, and she noticed a thick book filled with technical information, a book that Bulma had left the last time that she had been at Kame House. The book was titled, "Industrial Technology Volume Seventeen: How To Build Environmentally Safe Engines At A Fraction Of Normal Cost".  
  
She read that book within thirty minutes, much to everyone's amazement and relief, and then she found another book titled, Decorating Dames: How To Decorate Your Baby's Nursery Just Hours After The Results of The Amniocentesis.  
  
"Oooh, what a wonderful book!" she exclaimed, and then she turned to Roshi and pulled him up. She kissed him gently and whispered into his ear, "So how soon can we have a baby?"  
  
"A BABY?" everyone exclaimed.  
  
Roshi blubbered, "B-buh-buh-baby? B-but, but, Candy, we just met, and I frankly am not ready to be a daddy." He laughed nervously.  
  
Candy's apple-green eyes misted over with tears. She began to bawl, "But I love you, Roshi, I do! I want to have your child! Why can't we start on having a baby now?"  
  
"We're not married," Roshi said as firmly as possible. His face was redder than Vegeta's when "Kakarot" managed to prove himself stronger than the Saiyan Prince's.  
  
"That, and you two just met," Krillin added.  
"Mommy, what's wrong with Candy?" Marron whispered to her mother in a muffled tone.  
  
"The Eternal Dragon is punishing Master Roshi for all of his dirty deeds, so he sent her to torment him," Juuhachigou cracked.  
  
"I heard that, Juuhachi!" Roshi exclaimed indignantly. "And I happen to like her just fine, although she is a bit of a clean freak and tends to rush things. But if she really wants to have my baby…" His voice trailed off, as he turned to Candy. "Hey, about we wait a year or two, love, but until then you and I can get better acquainted with each other, if you know what I mean." He winked at her.  
  
Candy clapped her hands in delight. Then she lowered her eyes and purred seductively, "I'd love to start on that soon, Roshi…"  
  
Roshi's ears perked up, and his heart pounded hard. "How about today?" he asked her hopefully.  
  
Umigame and Oolong groaned loudly, Marron looked puzzled, and Juuhachigou and Krillin both flopped over backwards.  
  
"I'm looking forward to it, just you and me alone in a nice, hot, steamy tub of bubbly water…" she crooned.  
  
"Really, truly?" Roshi said happily.  
  
"Yes, we can," Candy continued happily, as she leaned closer to his ear. "We can do so…"  
  
"Yes, yes!" Roshi panted.  
  
"…Heehee, as soon as I finish cleaning the house! This house hasn't been dusted in years! I can't make love in a dirty house!" Candy laughed.   
  
Now it was Roshi's turn to fall over backwards, as everyone couldn't help but laugh at him. Candy asked Marron, "Where's the cleaning supplies?"  
  
Marron mumbled, her voice muffled still by the surgical mask, "In the closet on the left down the hall."  
  
"Thank you!" Candy bubbled, as she raced down the hall to get the cleaning supplies. She came back within five minutes, loaded down with brooms, mops, buckets, dusters, and cleaning solutions.  
  
"C'mon, everyone, let's clean up the house!" she enthused.  
The house had been cleaned a day ago, but it wasn't up to the new houseguest's standards. Everyone quickly made up an excuse.  
  
"I…umm…have to go visit Goku," Krillin said quickly. "I'd promise him that I would help him finish his dinner, yes, that's it."  
  
"Like Goku needs help finishing any meal," Juuhachigou quipped. "But, I'll come with you, I'm sure that Chichi would like me to go shopping with her."  
  
"I'm sleepy," Marron mumbled.  
  
"I have a date," Oolong announced. Everyone looked at him strangely. "I do have a date! She's tall, brunette, and beautiful with perfect boobs and curly brown hair and blue eyes that you could swim in. She's also-"  
  
"Oolong, your centerfold of Miss October hanging on your wall does not count as a date," Umigame told him.  
  
"Shut up, Turtle! And for your information, she's not Miss October; she's Miss November!"  
  
"Well, I have to go organize my magazine collection, Candy, but I'll help you later," Roshi told his new love quickly. He and others began to creep out of the room, but Candy stopped them immediately with a loud voice:  
  
"No one is sneaking out of here! We are going to clean this house and clean it right! Roshi, darling, you and Oolong will clean up this room, and Oolong can scrub the white rings off of the tables. I will dust and vacuum. Marron, sweetheart, you can gather the trash in the house, okay?"  
  
"O…kay," Marron said reluctantly.  
  
"Juuhachigou and Krillin, you two may clean up the kitchen, starting with the windows. We are going to get this house spic and span! This is going to be fun! I can't wait to be in a clean house again! Umigame, you can clean the bathroom downstairs, and I will clean the one upstairs. Ready, everyone, let's go!" And with that, Candy dumped her cleaning supplies on the ground and began to dust the blinds. Krillin and Juuhachigou plodded into the kitchen reluctantly with sponges, a mop, and all-purpose cleaner.  
  
"What do you think of her?" Krillin asked his wife.  
  
"Shenlong must have given her Borderline Personality Disorder as a bonus along with her other 'qualities'," Juuhachigou sighed. "Is she going to be like this every day? She's only been here one day, and already she's driving me nuts."  
  
"Let's just clean the kitchen, and then we'll sneak out of here to Goku and Chichi's," Krillin suggested.  
  
"At this point, I'd sneak out to Hell, or as some people call it, the Home For Infinite Losers," Juuhachigou told him, as she and Krillin began to slow wash down the windows. 


	4. Chapter Four: Barbeque Brawls

Chapter Four: Barbeque Brawls  
  
A week later…  
  
Master Roshi and Candy Apple had not slept together yet, much to everyone's relief. Candy firmly insisted on waiting a little bit before making love, although she was willing to make out with him-often in front of everyone.  
  
The other occupants of Kame House could have done with Roshi and Candy making out on the beach, even though their loud kissing drove poor Umigame, who loved to sunbathe, crazy. But on the day before, did Roshi and Candy have to go skinny-dipping in the ocean right in the full view of little Marron, who had come outside with her mother to go swimming? Juuhachigou had been horrified to see a nude Roshi dancing and splashing in the salty waves, as he had gone surfing with Candy, who had also been nude.   
  
Poor little Marron's eyes had bulged, and her mouth had been agape as Roshi danced and back-flipped on his surfing board, giving the innocent child a full frontal view. Candy, who had seen nothing wrong with her and Roshi being naked (Candy had already taken up nudism, although for now she restricted it to her ocean adventures with Roshi.), had cheered Roshi on in all of his crazy stunts. Juuhachigou had been furious, and she hadn't hesitated to give both Roshi and Candy a full tongue-lashing for displaying themselves like that in front of everyone. Unfortunately, Candy told Juuhachigou off as well, and the two ladies actually got into a catfight, which only served to turn Roshi and Oolong on.  
  
"GO LADIES!" they had declared.  
  
It had taken a few days for Candy and Juuhachigou to speak to each other again, and Candy baked Juuhachigou's favorite meals for the next couple of days as a peace offering. The android had finally forgiven the former fashion doll, and so all was peaceful again.  
  
That was until Bulma's barbeque.  
  
  
Capsule Corporation House in Bulma's kitchen…  
  
Vegeta smirked, as he decided to try to sneak a couple of Bulma's delicious chocolate fudge chocolate chip cookies before she could catch him. The woman couldn't cook a regular meal, but at least she could barbeque and bake, and Vegeta especially was fond of those chocolate cookies…to the point where he would eat two cookie sheets full of them before Bulma or anyone else could get to them.   
  
"VEGETA! GET OUT OF THOSE COOKIES! THOSE ARE FOR THE GUESTS! I ALREADY LET YOU HAVE YOUR TEN! YOU CAN WAIT FOR THE REST!"  
  
"Stop screeching, woman!" Vegeta ordered, after mischievously popping a chocolate cookie into his mouth before Bulma could stop him. "This is only my twentieth cookie!" He smirked when Bulma glared darkly at him, as she waved a spatula. He looked her over appreciatively; she was dressed in a red cotton mini-dress with spaghetti straps and matching red sandals. The dress hugged her curves perfectly, and Vegeta suddenly had an appetite for something other than her chocolate cookies.  
  
Bulma groaned, recognizing Vegeta's lustful look, "And I am having close to twenty people over for this barbeque, our family, Goku's family, and everyone from Kame House. Tien, Yamucha, and Chaoztu couldn't make it, and Piccolo rarely ever comes to my parties or barbeques, and he won't be at this one. For once, Vegeta, can't you wait until dinner to eat like everyone else? You eat all those cookies, and you won't have any room left for dinner."  
  
"I always have room left for dinner, woman. The Saiyan stomach can handle anything."  
  
"Yes, I'm aware of that," Bulma sighed, as she managed to wrestle the tray of cookies away from her husband before he could take any more. "Now, Vegeta, Master Roshi is also coming over, and-"  
  
"That old pervert is coming over here!" Vegeta roared. "If he touches you, woman, I will blast off the rest of his limbs like I did his hand! I don't want him here!"  
  
"Vegeta, he has behaved himself since then, and you will be happy to know that he's bringing a lady friend with him, at least that is what Juuhachigou has told me."  
  
"A lady friend?" Vegeta asked, wondering who would be desperate enough to bother with an old perverted man who did nothing all day but stare at nude women in magazines. "What does she look like?"  
  
"She has candy-apple red hair and green eyes, tall and very beautiful. Juuhachigou says that she could pass as a model."  
  
Vegeta chuckled. "How much did that old coot have to pay her to accompany him? It must have been his entire fortune for her to bother with him."  
  
"Vegeta!" Bulma hissed. "That's not very nice. I want you to be nice to both of them when they come over, especially Master Roshi's date. That means no sarcastic remarks or death threats to Roshi."  
  
"Fine," Vegeta huffed, crossing his muscular arms and frowning. "But if he so much as looks at you the wrong way, he'll lose the important limb of all-the one that he has not put to use for over two hundred years. He won't be able to do much with his desperate lady friend then." He grinned at that thought.   
  
Bulma sighed again. "Just don't kill or maim anyone today, all right?" She then suddenly smiled at him, running a slender finger along his angular face. She kissed him playfully and said, "But if you behave yourself, Vegeta, while everyone's here…I'll make it worth your while tonight after everyone leaves. There may even be a new episode of 'Who Wants To Have Sex With A Millionaire?'" She grinned as she took a quick gaze at her handsome husband, who was dressed in one of his usual dark blue bodysuits.  
  
Vegeta chuckled, and then he said with a grin, "And what if I don't behave?"  
  
"You know the protocol then. No gravity room, no personal 'sparring sections' with me for a week."  
  
Vegeta then frowned and grumbled under his breath, "Very well." He then suddenly said brightly, "Woman, a cookie fell on the floor."  
  
"It did?" Bulma asked, looking on the floor, while holding the tray of cookies that she was carrying high in the air. "Vegeta, I don't see any cookies on the floor-"   
  
Before she knew it, Vegeta had cleverly swiped the entire tray of cookies out of her hand, and he flew out the kitchen door within nanoseconds, holding the tray of cookies. He was able to gobble them down as he dashed along.  
  
"VEGETA! COME BACK WITH THOSE COOKIES!"  
  
Vegeta's wicked laughter could be heard as Bulma ran out the kitchen door, shaking her spatula and vainly ordering him to return the cookies.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
An hour later in the backyard behind Capsule Corporation…  
  
"I'm sorry that I don't have any of my chocolate fudge chocolate chip cookies," Bulma apologized to Goku, who was now on his ninth Rice Krispy treat.   
  
Goku mumbled, with his mouth full, "Dat's awright (That's alright)."  
  
"Goku, wait until your mouth is empty before you speak," Chichi scolded.  
  
Goku swallowed the last of his Rice Krispy treat and apologized. "Anyway, Bulma, these Rice Krispy treats that you made will do just fine. Yum yum. So, where are the hot dogs?"  
  
"Over on that table," Bulma told him, pointing to a picnic table, where Vegeta was greedily gobbling down hot dogs with chili, mustard, and other assorted condiments on them. "You better hurry though before Vegeta finishes them all off. I ordered fifty dozen hot dogs, but Vegeta eats as much as you do, if not more."  
  
Goku strolled over to the hot dog table. "Hey, Vegeta!"  
  
Vegeta mumbled a greeting and continued to stuff hot dogs into his mouth. Goku wasted no time in fixing himself ten hot dogs. He ate them within ten minutes. Unfortunately, when Goku reached for an eleventh hot dog, there was only one left, and Vegeta reached for it as well.  
  
"That's my hot dog, Kakarot!" he growled.  
  
"I picked it up first," Goku protested, taking the hot dog, which Vegeta snatched out of his hand.  
  
"You had ten on your plate before you ate them; this dog is mine." And Vegeta would have popped it into his mouth then, even without the bun and condiments, but Goku grabbed it away from him.  
  
"You had seven hot dogs on your plate," Goku pointed out. "And I saw you eat at least five of them beforehand. Besides, Bulma's bringing out more soon."  
  
"Well, you can wait, Kakarot. This hot dog goes on my plate!" Vegeta ordered.  
  
"But I grabbed it first," Goku insisted, taking the hot dog from Vegeta again.  
  
"Too bad, Kakarot! I am the Prince of all Saiyans, and the Prince always gets first pick! Now give me that hot dog!"  
  
"Bulma's bringing more hot dogs now," Goku told him. "And I just started eating." And then he plopped the disputed hot dog on a bun, squirted mustard on it, sprinkled onions on top, and then he took a huge bite.  
  
Vegeta was incensed, and he snatched the hot dog out of Goku's mouth and took a bite himself. Goku, not about to give up his food, grabbed the hot dog back from Vegeta, and he took a bite out of it.   
  
Vegeta growled ferociously, and he seized the hot dog, taking a huge bite out of it himself. Goku refused to give up the hot dog, and so his mouth was clamped down on his end of the hot dog. Vegeta refused to stop eating the hot dog, and he continued to eat away, while Goku continued to eat at his end. The two mighty Saiyans ate at their ends of the hot dog, neither one of them surrendering the wiener. Before they knew it, Goku drew back, and Vegeta, who had been gobbling his end of the hot dog fell into Goku's face, and their lips met!  
The jaws of everyone watching this childish fight over one hot dog dropped almost to their chests when they saw Goku and Vegeta kissing. Vegeta was the first to yank away, horrified, as everyone continued to laugh at him and Goku.  
  
"Kakarot! You'll pay for that!" he shouted.   
  
Goku had started laughing himself. "C'mon, Vegeta! You know that this was funny!"  
  
"To the sky, Kakarot! I'll show you who is more worthy of my mate's hot dogs!" Vegeta insisted, standing up and climbing off the picnic table bench. "Let's go!  
  
Goku grinned then, standing up himself. "Okay, I'm ready for ya! Loser has to surrender all the hot dogs and chips to the winner!"  
  
"Fine by me," Vegeta hissed. And the two men flew up into the sky. Chichi and Bulma sighed, both women putting their heads into their hands.  
  
"This is going to be a long day," Bulma moaned.  
  
Finally, the residents of Kame House showed up, and all of them were laughing hysterically, for they had witnessed Goku and Vegeta "kissing" each other. The others greeted Chichi and Bulma briefly, and then they left to fill their plates. Only Roshi and Candy were left with the two ladies.  
  
"I knew that they thought a lot about each other," Roshi joked. "But I didn't think that they liked each other that much! Looks like you have a rival for your affections, Bulma."  
  
Bulma shook her head. "I told Vegeta to behave, but that's like telling my mother not to flirt with all of the men that come over here." She looked over at Candy , who was on Roshi's arm and smiled. "You must be Candy Apple; I'm Bulma Briefs, and Vegeta is my husband."  
  
"Pleased to meet you," Candy said, shaking Bulma's hand warmly. She looked at Roshi and grinned. "Isn't Roshi just the sweetest hunk of love that you've ever seen?" Roshi grinned and blushed.  
  
"Umm…" Bulma said uncomfortably.   
  
Chichi rescued her. She held out her hand to Candy. "I'm Son Chichi, Son Goku's wife." Candy shook Chichi's hand.  
  
"Candy, darling, would you go get me a tea, please?" Roshi asked his new girlfriend. Candy kissed him on his wrinkled forehead and smiled.  
  
"Sure thing," she told him happily. She then said sweetly to Chichi and Bulma, "Now keep you hands off of him, ladies; he's mine! Take good care of him, but don't touch him!" And then she sauntered off, her perky rump enticing Roshi, as it waved and wiggled.  
  
"That won't be a problem!" Chichi loudly assured her.  
  
Roshi chuckled, "Aren't I a lucky man?"  
  
"Yes…I would say so," Bulma told him. "So, Juuhachigou told me that Candy was once a fashion doll that you wished to life, using the Dragonballs. Is that true?"  
  
"Sure is," Roshi told her. "Best decision I ever made. She's cute, fun to be with, although she's a bit of a neat freak. Never had a cleaner house though. In fact, me and Candy are planning to-"  
  
Suddenly a ki blast from Vegeta, intended for Goku, landed just behind Bulma and Chichi. Roshi had his arms opened wide, and before he could prevent it, Bulma and Chichi had accidentally fallen into his arms, knocking him to the ground. The ki blast tore a small hole in the backyard, and Bulma looked up to the sky and yelled:  
  
"VEGETA! YOU AND GOKU GO PLAY SOMEWHERE ELSE! YOU TWO ARE NOT TEARING UP MY BACKYARD!"  
  
Roshi tried to get up, but he couldn't help embracing both Bulma and Chichi. He chuckled and laughed, saying, "Aren't I a lucky man? Two ladies in my arms at once!"  
  
"I can't Vegeta did that to us just now!" Bulma exclaimed.   
Chichi eased herself off of Roshi, but before Bulma could follow suit, Roshi teasingly seized her and said, "You know, Bulma, you don't have to leave me so soon! I can keep you safe in my arms!" His hand rested on her bottom.   
  
He was just playing around with her this time, but Bulma took his advance seriously, and she abruptly tried to pull herself off of him, but she fell back down onto him. Roshi laughed. "It's not every day that you fall for me like this, Bulma! Not even Candy jumps on me like you do!" Bulma by then was getting furious.  
  
"GET OFF OF MY MAN!" Candy screamed from the distance. Both Bulma and Roshi quickly scrambled to their feet, as Candy raced across the yard, her lovely face red. Within seconds, she shoved herself between Roshi and Bulma, and she pushed Bulma away from Roshi. Bulma fell backwards-into Vegeta's arms. Vegeta had just landed behind her, and he had caught his mate before she had fallen.  
  
"How dare you push me?" Bulma raged at Candy.  
  
"How dare you fall over MY man?" Candy screamed, holding up her fists and shaking them at Bulma. "Roshi belongs to ME! And I know that he may have lusted after you one time, you blue-haired hussy, but he's MINE now! Do you understand? MINE! Don't you ever touch him again!" Candy's face was red, redder than her hair, and her emerald eyes darkened to a menacing shade of hunter green.  
  
"I didn't intend to the first time!" Bulma screamed back at her. Bulma's blue eyes were narrowed, and her face was contorted with fury. She shook her fists back at Candy.  
  
"Right!" Candy screeched. "I know that every pretty thing like you is after my man! I know that everyone lusts after my Roshi, but let me tell you this: think of him as a fine piece of art in a museum-LOOK, BUT DON'T TOUCH! In fact, in your case, you better not even look at him! And if I ever catch you on him or near him again, your body's going to be as blue as your face and hair!"  
  
"Don't threaten my mate!" Vegeta growled at her. "Your perverted man was the one who grabbed her after she fell on top of him! Why would she want a wrinkled old fool like him when she has me, the Prince of the Saiyans, to keep her satisfied! No woman in her right mind would choose him over me, and that includes my mate!"  
  
"What makes you think that you're that great?" Candy hissed. "You're just an arrogant, immature man who fights over one measly hot dog! And I heard what you did to my Roshi's hand! Don't you or your hussy there EVER go near him, touch him, or hurt him again! C'mon, Roshi, we're going home! We're leaving before Miss Bulma here decides that she wants to jump your bones again!" And with that, Candy grabbed Roshi's arm and dragged the poor man away.  
  
"Don't you ever come back here again, woman!" Vegeta snarled. "In fact, that goes for both you and your perverted mate! Neither one of you are welcome here!"  
  
"Fine with me!" Candy shouted back, dragging Roshi towards Roshi's blue skycar.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Later that evening at Kame House…  
  
"I knew that we should have insisted on Candy staying behind," Juuhachigou sighed to Krillin in bed that night. "I like the girl most of the time, but for her to go off like that-and over Roshi!"  
  
Krillin laughed. "Who'd ever thought that Roshi would have a woman fighting over him?"  
  
"I certainly didn't," Juuhachigou said, frustrated. She turned over on her back and turned out the light.   
  
"I take it Roshi knew the story of Pygmalion and Galatea," Krillin commented.  
  
"Only he didn't know that Galatea would turn out to be a jealous, clean-freak harpy," Juuhachigou groaned, and Krillin laughed again. 


	5. Chapter Five: Hercule Shows Off For Cand...

A/N: I apologize for the long wait...I had real major writer's block when it came to this story, but I swear that I will try to update this story more than every few months. I think I finally have an idea now of where I want this to go, so everyone who is still reading this keep your fingers crossed, and wish me luck! Also, take a look at my other stories, if you haven't yet.  
  
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Chapter Five: Hercule Shows Off For Candy  
  
Two months later…  
  
Roshi was very frustrated these days. Candy would still kiss and hug him, and even walk around in scanty lingerie for him, but she still put off having sex with him. She kept insisting firmly that they wait "a little while longer", despite Roshi's constant pleas for her to satisfy him. This time when he had begged her for sex, Candy had just laughed and kissed him.  
  
"Don't worry, my Roshi, I won't put you off forever!" Candy promised him brightly. "I just feel that you and I should get to know each other just a little longer before the big deed. Sex should be special, you know, and I want my first time ever with you, well, with any man actually to be spectacular! I want bells and whistles to go off and sparks to fly!"  
  
"They already do, Candy, they already do!" Roshi protested. "So why can't we light the flames, hmm?"  
  
"Eventually we will, sweetheart, we will. But for now-I need to start on cleaning the bathrooms!"  
  
"Candy, you've cleaned the bathrooms two hours ago!"  
  
"I know, and Oolong just had to poop, and he didn't even bother to scrub the toilet afterwards! Can you imagine! And he left water drops on the sink! That could ruin the marble! Oh, Roshi, why can't anyone around here keep things neat and tidy? Oolong even left a towel on the floor, after he took a shower, a damp towel!"  
  
"Candy, calm down!" Roshi consoled her. "I'll speak to him about it."  
  
"Would you, Roshi? It would make me so happy knowing that everyone would work to keep this house spic-and-span!" Candy kissed him on the tip of his nose, and she left Roshi's bedroom to go clean the bathrooms once more."  
  
Roshi flopped down onto his bed and sighed, as he wistfully looked over at his oak nightstand. The top drawer was filled with boxes of condoms of various shapes, colors, and textures. And not one condom had been used since Candy's "arrival" into Roshi's life. Roshi sighed heavily; would he ever get to use any of those little rubber sheaths that he had bought at Sex Toys Story when they had a huge condom markdown sale (actually he had coerced Oolong to go and buy them for him because the old man was still permanently banned from the store)?  
  
"Oh, Candy," he moaned under his breath. "You make me so happy, even though you are a bit of a clean freak with just a smidge of a jealous streak (hey, I made a rhyme!). I really like you; you're so much fun to be with. Why can't we just make love, Candy, why, why?"  
  
Roshi sighed.  
  
"I wonder if they make vibrators for men."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Several hours later…  
  
Kame House was clean and sparkling, even to Candy's extreme standards when Gohan came over with his fiancée, Videl, and Videl's famous father, Hercule Satan, in tow. Hercule had insisted on joining them under the pretense of helping to deliver the wedding invitations, but he was really with them to make sure that Gohan didn't do anything "inappropriate" with his "little girl". Actually Gohan and Videl had been waiting until their wedding night, but Hercule didn't fully believe it, even though Videl had told her father about a hundred times already.   
  
Gohan had been carrying Hercule in the air with Videl flying along beside them. Hercule, crying and pleading, was clinging to Gohan, crying and pleading, "PLEASE DON'T DROP ME! I'M SCARED OF HEIGHTS! I DON'T WANT TO DIE! I STILL HAVE SO MUCH TO DO! I NEED TO MAKE A MOVIE OF MY LIFE, AND WRITE MY MEMOIRS, AND…."  
  
"Daddy, please!" Videl begged. "Gohan has never dropped anyone! Calm down!"  
  
Hercule didn't fully believe her, as he nearly strangled Gohan while clinging tightly to Gohan's neck with his arms. Hercule was sobbing into Gohan's neck, not even attempting to act like his puedo-brash-and-confident self. Both Videl and Gohan were extremely embarrassed by Hercule's babyish behavior.  
  
*I knew that we should have rented a skycar *, Gohan thought to himself. The only car that Gohan had been able to afford to have was in the shop.  
  
Finally, the trio landed on the sands of Roshi's island, and Hercule jumped off of Gohan and yelled at him, "You could have dropped me or killed me! You weren't even holding me tight enough…"  
  
"Daddy, please…" Videl groaned. Gohan just sighed heavily.  
  
"…And furthermore, I would like to say that-whoa, baby! Who is that?"  
  
At that moment, a cheerful Candy Apple walked outside, dressed in nothing more than a skimpy white bikini that showed off her newly tanned skin. Hercule stared at her openly, and his prominent jaw dropped down to the middle of his chest. The "strongest man in the world" then wasted no time in scurrying over to the buxom Candy like a little boy rushing to buy the latest video game. He was panting and drooling by the time that he had reached her.  
  
He dashed up right in front of her and heaved his chest, raising his head high. He walked a slow circle around Candy, who was now frowning and crossing her slender arms. He gave Candy a leer and an once-over that made the beauty cringe.  
  
"Hello, beautiful!" he whistled. "Consider yourself fortunate to have been bestowed the honor of receiving the full attention of the strongest man in the world-me, Hercule Satan-the man who saved the world from Cell! And I am also the man who will save you from loneliness! Come to Daddy!"  
  
Videl and Gohan fell over backwards into the sand. Candy continued to coolly appraise Hercule, as he began to brag more about his strength and muscle.  
  
Finally, Candy spoke, just as Hercule was flexing his muscles, "Did you say that you were the one who saved the world from Cell, Cell the monster?"  
  
"You've got it, baby!"  
  
"That's not what I've been told," Candy told him icily. "According to my Roshi, someone named Son Gohan was the one to defeat Cell, and that you took the full credit for it."  
  
Now it was Hercule's turn to fall over backwards in the sand. Gohan flushed and grinned at the same time. Gohan didn't particularly wish to be exposed and have the media invade his privacy, but he was glad to see that someone had openly confronted his future-father-in-law for the phony that he had been. Gohan had been more forgiving towards Hercule since Hercule had helped Gohan's father and Vegeta stop Majin Buu, but it was still very gratifying to see the so-called-world's-greatest-martial-artist get upbraided every now and then. He smiled to himself, waiting to see if Hercule would deny all that Candy said. He chuckled, having no intention of confirming Candy's accusations.   
  
"Rumors, my dear," Hercule said, throwing my head back and laughing loudly. "People will do anything to get dirt on me! I was the one who defeated Cell, I was! I am the world's strongest man, and I'm going to prove it to you! Wouldn't you like to go out with a big, strong man such as myself?"  
  
"No," Candy told him coolly.  
  
Hercule was about to give up yet. He then raced over to a nearby palm tree, seized the middle of the tree's trunk with both hands and easily bent down the tree until the top of the tree was brushing against the sand.  
  
"Now watch me, baby, break this tree into two." And with that, Hercule held down the tree with one hand and was about to chop the tree in half with one hand. But before Hercule could get a good hold of the tree, the palm tree sprang back from the ground and catapulted Hercule into the clear blue sky and towards the ocean.   
  
"HELP ME!" Hercule screamed, as his body plunged into the body of the ocean with a giant splash! Hercule frantically flailed his muscular arms and struggled, waving and crying. Hercule was an expert martial artist, but a very poor swimmer, which was why he never went into water, if he could avoid it.  
  
"C'mon, Gohan, let's go save my dad," Videl sighed, as she flew into the air. Gohan joined her, and within ten minutes, Hercule was clinging to Gohan's neck. Gohan abruptly dropped his future-father-in-law onto his feet in the sand. Without thanking Gohan or Videl, Hercule promptly ran back over to Candy, threw his head back and laughed.  
  
"Hahaha, just caught in an undertow, that's all, yeah, that's it. That's why I had such a hard time swimming earlier, my dear. Well, anyway, I'm going to go break that tree into two and prove to you that I am the strongest in the world!"  
  
"Yeah," Gohan whispered to Videl, "as long as he stays out of the water." Videl snickered; she loved her father, but she was often embarrassed by his behavior.  
  
Hercule once again paraded over to the palm tree and bent it down to the sand once more. He was going to prove his mighty strength to Candy once and for all. He held the tree's trunk down much more firmly this time, and he then he brought his hand down towards the trunk to chop it into two halves. He would have actually succeeded had not Candy suddenly threw herself at him, knocking him off of the tree. The poor palm tree swiftly flew back up into its proper position.   
  
Candy abruptly leaped back up and seized Hercule by his collar. She held him up in the air by his collar, with Hercule trying not to cower and tremble. She stuck her pretty face into his.  
  
"How dare you?" she screamed at Hercule. "You were about to damage a defenseless tree, and for what? To demonstrate how strong you are? You ought to be ashamed of yourself! Everywhere on this planet, people are trying to save as many trees as possible, and you are about to damage one, just to show off your so-called great strength! It served you right earlier when that tree catapulted you into the ocean! You don't impress me one bit, and I don't care what anyone else says about you, you are not the strongest in the world!"  
  
"But-but, I am," Hercule protested feebly. "It was just a tree, but if you insist, I-I won't touch it again!"  
  
"Good!" Candy huffed, and then she threw his heavy body down into the sand. Hercule stood up bravely and dusted himself off. He threw his head back and laughed.  
  
"Don't worry, my little tree-hugger, I'll find some other way to prove myself to you!" And with that, Hercule found a huge, sand-covered boulder on the edge of the island; Roshi had brought that boulder to the island years ago to sit on for girl-watching purposes.  
  
Hercule promptly climbed upon the half-ton boulder and jumped up into the air. He yelled, "Geromino!" and dived towards the boulder with his hand held out in a karate chop. He intended to break up the boulder with one karate chop from his hand, but the wind suddenly grew stronger, and Hercule missed his mark. Instead, Hercule's body shifted in mid-air, and it was Hercule's head that crashed into the boulder instead of his hand!  
  
But Hercule did manage to break up the boulder, as the boulder crumbled into thousands of pieces; it was one of the few times in his life that Hercule actually used his head.   
  
The world's "strongest man" swiftly leapt out, rubbing his throbbing head. Even though his head felt like it had been smashed with a hammer, Hercule made his assault on the rock seem like child's play. He threw his head back and laughed.  
  
"Hahahaha! See, babe, that was what I call using my head! Now, what do you think of me? Babe…babe…where did you go?"  
  
He looked around the island, but he could not find Candy anywhere-or even Gohan or Videl.  
"Babe? Gohan? Videl? Where did you guys go?" Hercule called.  
  
No reply.  
  
"Anyone?"  
  
Still no reply.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Inside Kame House…  
  
"So Hercule tried to make a pass at you, eh?" Roshi asked Candy, as Candy served him a tall glass of freshly squeezed lemonade (Candy refused to make the concentrated or powdered-drink kind; only homemade lemonade was good enough for her.)  
  
"That he did!" Candy huffed indignantly, tying a huge napkin around Roshi's neck since Roshi was a messy eater. "Can you believe the nerve, Roshi? And he was actually going to break that poor palm tree in half just to show me how strong he thought he was."  
  
"My palm tree!" Roshi exclaimed. "I paid good money to have that tree transported here!"  
  
"Well, the tree might be safe, but I doubt that your boulder is still standing, Master Roshi," Gohan told him. "Last time I saw Hercule, he was about to break up your boulder as well."  
  
"Break up my boulder! Break up my girl-watching boulder!" Roshi exclaimed indignantly. "Where is he now?"  
  
"Girl-watching boulder!" Candy snapped. "Are you watching other girls still?"  
  
Roshi laughed, knowing that he was going to have to save himself quickly. "Why that was before, Candy. The only girl that I'm interested in watching these days is you." Candy's stormy mood faded away quickly, and her smile returned.  
  
Gohan grinned, whispering to Videl, "Smooth move on his part." He then pulled out some cream-colored envelopes from his pocket. "Listen, Master Roshi, you know that Videl and I going to get married soon, right?"  
  
"Yes, I do!" Roshi exclaimed, as he took a quick peek at Videl. "And you are a very lucky young man, I might add too."  
  
"Well, anyway, we would like to know, if you and Candy and everyone else here would like to come to our wedding," Gohan told him, handing Roshi the stack of envelopes.  
  
Roshi handed one to Candy with her name on it, and Candy tore it open and squealed with delight, "I just love weddings, thank you! I can't wait! Thank you for inviting me! I'm going to go upstairs right now and see if there's anything suitable for me to wear! It is a formal wedding, isn't it?"  
  
"Semi-formal," Gohan told her. "Just family and friends. And the wedding is six months away, Candy, so there's plenty of time to pick something out."  
  
"Well, I'm going to go look anyway, just in case, if you and Videl don't mind excusing me for a few moments."  
  
"Sure, why not," Videl told her. "Go ahead."  
  
Candy happily zipped out of the room, and Videl said that she needed to use the bathroom. Roshi pointed her in the direction of the bathroom, and Videl left to freshen herself up and do her other business. Roshi and Gohan were left alone.  
  
"Hey, Gohan," Roshi began. "Can I ask you a personal question?"  
  
"Umm…" Gohan stammered. "That depends."  
  
"Have you and Videl…er…did the naughty yet?"  
  
"Did the naughty?" Gohan asked, puzzled.   
  
"You know," Roshi said with a wink. "Have sex."  
  
"MASTER ROSHI!" Gohan exclaimed in shock.  
  
"Just asking," Roshi said amiably.  
  
"No, we haven't," Gohan said quickly. "Not that we haven't been tempted though, but we decided to wait until the wedding night." He really did not want to discuss his sex life, or lack thereof, with one of the most perverted men that he knew.  
  
"Too bad," Roshi sighed. "I was hoping that you could have given me some advice on my sex life."  
  
"Advice? On your sex life?" Gohan asked hesitantly. He didn't think that one of the most oversexed fighters on Earth would need to ask for sex advice from him, especially since he was still a virgin.  
  
"Yes," Roshi told him. "You see, Gohan, Candy won't go to bed with me."  
  
"Umm…" Gohan said nervously, trying to think of a tactful way to get out of this conversation.   
  
"So what advice would a strapping young man such as yourself give me?"  
  
Gohan laughed anxiously. "Well, Master Roshi, does she actually want to go to bed with you?"  
  
"She says that she does, but she wants to wait. I've known her for a few months, Gohan, and I don't know if I can wait much longer."  
  
"Well, you care for her, right?" Gohan asked, a bit more relaxed.  
  
"Very much so. I like her. She's a bit of a clean freak and a mite jealous of any female that comes near me…that part flatters me actually…but now that I finally have a woman of my own, she won't sleep with me."  
  
Gohan chuckled uneasily. "Well, Master Roshi, if you care about her, you'll want to take things slow. You don't have to go to bed with her right away to get close to her. Why don't you hold off for a while? Take things slow, romance her, court her, and treat her like a lady. If it's meant to happen, Master Roshi, it will. Most girls don't like it when someone pressures them to go to bed with them right away; I think that Candy just wants to get to know you better. Just be patient; that's the best advice I can give you, especially since that I…well, still have to get to that point myself."  
  
Roshi sighed; he had wanted to bed Candy sooner, but he could see the wisdom in Gohan's advice. Reluctantly, he made the decision to wait until Candy was actually ready to sleep with him. "Thanks, Gohan, I'll remember that. I like her so much! I think that it could be…love." And then Roshi grinned sappily, as he stared off contentedly into space.  
  
Gohan chuckled to himself. Master Roshi, of all people to have a girlfriend! He knew that his mother, Chichi, had pitied Candy at times and wondered what she could see in the old pervert. Gohan's father, Goku, of course thought that it was great that Roshi had found someone to love. And Goten thought that it was gross ("ugh, yucky!").  
  
"Well, Master Roshi, will you and everyone else be coming?" Gohan asked.  
  
"Sure! I'd be happy to see you wed! Maybe after your honeymoon, you could give an old man some tips on how to please a lady in bed, eh?" Roshi grinned, winking at Gohan.  
  
For once in his life, the embarrassed Gohan would actually be grateful to Hercule, for at that moment, Hercule kicked open the front door of Kame House. He was carrying poor Umigame, plus three of Umigame's larger cousins who had come to visit him, on his back. Hercule was making a great show of carrying the four heavy turtles seem effortless, although his back was straining the entire time. Umigame was shaking his head in disbelief, and the other turtles were snickering, wondering how long Hercule could actually hold them up.  
  
Candy came strolling down the stairs, now dressed in a lovely halter-style pale green dress. She looked at Hercule strangely, as he toted about his burden the best that he could.  
  
"See how strong I am now, Candy?" Hercule boasted. "Look at what I'm doing!"  
  
Candy sighed; some men just didn't know when to give up.  
  
"Umm…Hercule," Roshi said. "You know that those turtles weigh at least two hundred pounds apiece, right?"  
  
"Of course I do, why-wait, did you say TWO HUNDRED POUNDS? That means I'm carrying EIGHT HUNDRED POUNDS ON MY BACK?"  
  
"He can multiply!" one of Umigame's cousins mocked.  
  
"Nine hundred pounds actually," Umigame panted. "My cousin, Sachiko, is the heaviest out of all of us; she weighs at least three hundred."  
  
"THREE HUNDRED?" Hercule cried, as the weight of the turtles started to become too much for him to bear. Finally, his legs gave way, and he collapsed under the weight of Umigame and his cousins. Two of the cousins groaned, and Sachiko belched. Umigame moaned, as he and Sachiko and the other two turtles slowly tried to crawl off of Hercule. Hercule loudly cried out, as the turtles crushed him further, trying to climb off of the ones below.  
  
"C'mon, let's go help him," Roshi said reluctantly.  
  
Roshi, Candy, and Gohan hurried over to lift the cumbersome animals off of the foolish Hercule. When Gohan had lifted Umigame safely off of Hercule, Hercule exhaled heavily, as he struggled to his feet. He stood up with his back sore, but laughing arrogantly.  
  
"Hahahaha! See! I'm not hurt; I'm not! Those turtles were nothing! Why I could lift four more of them on my back, if I wanted to!" Hercule boasted.  
  
The others looked him strangely with huge sweat drops on their faces. Hercule then suddenly collapsed and fell to his side. "Oh! My back!"  
  
The sweat drops suddenly grew larger. Videl, who had just come back from the bathroom, put her face in her hands and sighed before coming to her father's aid. Hercule continued to moan and groan, as Candy hurriedly went for her first aid kit to retrieve a muscle relaxant for him. She didn't like Hercule much, well not at all actually, but a patient was a patient, no matter what.  
  
The turtles, including Umigame, offered no help or sympathy; instead, they just chuckled and snickered amongst themselves. All of the Kame House occupants and guests were thankful that they didn't actually have to depend on Hercule to save the world. 


	6. Chapter Six: Paper Dolls

Chapter Six: Paper Dolls  
  
Another month later…  
  
Candy Apple considered herself to be a lucky girl. "Her" Roshi had been behaving like a perfect gentleman lately, taking her out for candlelit dinners at romantic, if inexpensively priced restaurants, buying her roses and chocolates, and taking her out for idyllic moonlight rows on the ocean when it was calm and peaceful. He had not made one single improper advance towards her; their romantic encounters had been limited to kissing and cuddling. Several times, Candy had fallen asleep on Roshi's bed in his arms while they watched their favorite late-night talk shows, but she would always be in her own bed by the next morning.  
  
Candy's other housemates had grown accustomed to her, although her extremist housecleaning regimens still grated on their nerves. Only little Marron had taken Candy's excessive household cleanliness to heart, partially because Candy was good at making their household chores seem like fun games. And whenever Marron had done some household chore well, Candy would take the girl out for ice cream and sometimes buy her a toy. Marron now had five different Candy Apple dolls, thanks to her new friend.  
  
Candy was very content most of the time, and now that she had a household cleaning routine going, she was a tad more relaxed. On this particular day, she was more relaxed because she was going upstairs to clean the Kame House attic, which held all of Roshi's older porn magazines. She had promised Marron a trip to the Satan City Mall and spending money, if she'd come along and help, and Marron agreed. Candy, knowing about Roshi's "collection", but not liking it being there, had decided to put away as much of the lurid periodicals as possible before she would allow Marron to go into the attic.  
  
As Candy was on her way up to clean up the attic, a knock was heard on the door. Downstairs, Krillin rushed to answer it. He cried out in delight when he saw Goku, Gohan, Goten, and Trunks. "It's been ages since I've seen you guys!" Krillin exclaimed excitedly. "Of course, I saw Gohan a few weeks ago, but I haven't seen the other three of you in a while."  
  
"Great to see you too, Krillin," Goku said brightly, as he slapped his best friend on his back. "Got some time to spar today?"  
  
"Sure do, Goku! Maybe Gohan would like to join us, eh?" Krillin asked hopefully, looking at Gohan.  
  
"Sure thing," Gohan replied. "I really need to keep myself in shape." Gohan spent more time with Videl and his books these days than with his training; he was a college freshman now, but it was still fun for him to spar with his father and Krillin like in the old days.  
  
"Hey, Trunks," Krillin said to the now-nine-year-old, lavender-haired boy wrestling with Goten in the doorway. "I see that your dad's given you a break from the gravity room, eh?"  
  
"That's only because he's doing it with Mom," Trunks said nonchalantly, shrugging his thin, yet muscular shoulders. "He told me to scram and not to come back for two hours 'til they were done, and Mom yelled at him for talking to me like that, and he told her to stop screaming. Then Mom threatened not to give him any unless-"  
  
"Give him any what?" Goten interrupted, wanting to know.  
  
"You know, Goten," Trunks sighed.   
  
"No, I don't," Goten protested.  
  
"Neither do I," Goku added, puzzled. Goku wasn't really stupid, just very naïve. "What was it that Bulma threatened not to give Vegeta?"  
  
Everyone downstairs, except for Goten, fell over backwards.   
  
*************************************************************************************************  
  
An hour later…   
  
Roshi was napping peacefully on a chaise lounge, his aged face shielded by the latest issue of "Playthings", his most favorite girlie magazine. He was snoring loudly, and he was completely oblivious to the loud, excited shouts of Goku, Krillin, and Gohan sparring on the beach. Umigame was trying to sleep in his shell, while Oolong was happily sitting on top of it, ogling the girls in "Sweet Cheeks", Roshi's second most favorite girlie magazine and Oolong's first favorite. He kept waking the poor turtle up to show him a picture of a nude, buxom girl, and Umigame kept trying to ignore him. Being a turtle, Umigame had little interest in eyeballing nude pictures of the female half of a species that he was not mating-compatible with.  
  
Upstairs in their bedroom, Krillin and Juuhachigou were enjoying some private time alone together, leaving Marron in the capable hands of Candy. Candy had taken a break from her attic cleaning, and she was making fresh-squeezed orangeade, made from real oranges, of course. She loved her new pink juicer that Roshi had recently bought for her.  
  
While Candy was making her orangeade, Marron, Goten, and Trunks were playing hide-and-seek, and Goten, using his ki-sensing, had traced little Marron to the attic. When he and Trunks, who had already been found, came into the halfway-clean attic, Marron was hiding behind the huge cardboard boxes that were marked, "ROSHI'S PRIVATE MAGS." One of the boxes had rotted on one side towards Marron, and a huge hole the size of her head was there.   
  
Innocent Marron, a bit bored with the boys taking forever to find her, had pulled out one of Roshi's girlie magazines from the hole in the box. Her large, beautiful blue eyes were wide in amazement as she viewed a picture of a thin blonde, wearing only whipped cream puffs to conceal her intimate areas. Fascinated, she turned the page to see that same blonde kissing a brunette female. A tall, nude, well-developed male had his arms around both women.  
  
As Marron was looking at the pictures, Trunks jumped out of nowhere and yelled, "WE FOUND YOU!" Marron screamed and scrambled away from the boxes and from Trunks. In her fright, she dropped the magazine, exposing the centerfold of the two voluptuous girls.   
  
Before Trunks could advance upon Marron, his blue eyes caught the nude centerfold of the girls, and he was stunned. He picked up the magazine, flipped a few pages, and shouted to Goten to come over.  
  
"Hey, Goten, remember when you and your dad asked what my mom threatened not to give my dad earlier?"  
  
"Yeah," Goten said.  
  
"This is it," Trunks told his best friend, showing him a full-page picture of the naked blonde and the aforementioned naked handsome man kissing and rubbing against each other.  
  
"Wow," Goten said wonderingly. "What are they doing?"  
  
Trunks grinned. Unlike Goten, he already had his discussion of the "birds and the bees" with his father. Two weeks after Majin Buu had been defeated, Master Roshi had visited Goku and Chichi, and Trunks had been staying the night with Goten. Trunks had found a nudie magazine that Roshi had left behind, and he brought it home to look at.   
  
Vegeta had caught him with the magazine when Trunks was flipping through it in the gravity room, and he had chewed his son out for wasting time looking at such garbage when he should be training. Trunks had cried that he was sorry, and then he begged his father to explain what the people in the magazine were doing and why. Vegeta, not having Bulma's wise discretion of what was appropriate for children to see and hear, had taken Trunks aside and used the magazine to explain sex to him. On Vegeta's home planet, most little Saiyan boys had known about sex long before they had reached Trunks's age, and Vegeta saw it as no big deal for his son to know the facts then and there.  
  
Bulma had been furious when she had later found out that Vegeta had used a porn magazine to tell their son about the facts of life. However, she had been appeased considerably when Vegeta (as calmly as possible for him) explained that he told Trunks that most of the acts in the magazine were inappropriate, and that the boy was not to view the magazine, or any such like it, anymore. Trunks had kept his word to his father-until now. He could easily swear Goten and Marron to secrecy, and he knew that they wanted to see the magazine as much as he did. What his father didn't know wouldn't hurt him.  
  
He sat down Goten and Marron to tell them what his father had told him about sex, and now the two other children were seated around the magazine, which was now lying on the floor. Trunks was now giving his version of sex education.  
  
"Now see," Trunks was telling his playmates, as he was pointing to a new picture, "this is what a woman likes to do sometimes with a man's-"  
  
"Marron!"   
  
Marron jumped up at Candy's voice. She dusted her little lacy yellow dress off.  
  
"Marron! Will you come here, please?"  
  
"Coming, Candy!" Marron cried, as she scurried downstairs. Trunks went back to explaining the page of the porno magazine with Goten.  
  
*************************************************************************************************  
  
When Marron arrived in the kitchen, Candy gave her a small tray of three glasses of orangeade. "What have you kids been doing?" she asked her sweetly.  
  
"Oh, we were playing hide-and-seek," Marron told her breathlessly. "But then I found this really neat magazine of Master Roshi's in the attic. It's one of those magazines with the pretty naked girls in it. Trunks was just telling Goten and me about what the woman was doing with a man's thing. Trunks said that it was called a dic-"  
  
Candy shrieked in horror, and Marron drew back. "You kids have been looking at Master Roshi's girlie magazines!" she cried.  
  
Marron's cerulean blue eyes filled with tears. "Did we do something wrong?" she whimpered.  
  
Candy knelt beside her and dabbed her tears away with her thumbs. "Sweetheart, those magazines are nasty, and they're not for little girls and boys to look at. That's why I told you to play with the boys until I called you to come help me. Oh, dear, those magazines have to go! Marron, I want you to stay down here until I come back!"  
  
"But Candy-" Marron began, but Candy was already gone from the kitchen.  
  
*************************************************************************************************  
  
"And so you see, Goten," Trunks said authoritatively, as he pointed to a picture of a man with his lips close to a woman's naked bosom, "some men like to do this-"  
  
"YOU PUT THAT MAGAZINE DOWN! NOW!"  
  
Trunks abruptly threw the magazine behind him. He and Goten jumped to their feet, as Candy stormed into the attic.  
  
"I want you boys and Marron to stay out of the attic and away from those horrid magazines, do you understand me?" Candy shrieked.  
  
Trunks's eyes widened, and Goten fell back towards him. They could understand now why Vegeta had called Candy "that loudmouthed, red-haired harpy" a few weeks ago. Trunks's father had declared that even Trunks's mother was not as blustering as Candy was.  
  
Nevertheless, both boys had been raised by mothers who had taught them how to respect women and obey adults, so Trunks and Goten only said, "Yes, ma'am." Then the two boys somberly left.  
  
*************************************************************************************************  
  
Later that afternoon, while everyone was outside playing in the ocean, Candy put her plan into action. She had gathered up all of Roshi's dirty magazines from everywhere in the house and packed them away into boxes in the attic. She was throwing out her boyfriend's naughty mags once and for all. Roshi would be better off without them, and so would everyone else, especially since Marron now knew of their existence.  
  
As Candy packed away the last porn magazine, she had been feeling a bit saddened and insecure about herself and her looks. What if Roshi considered those women in the books to be prettier, sexier than she was? Candy had briefly skimmed through a few of the magazines and she saw that many of the women in those publications had larger breasts, curvier bodies, and prettier faces. Many of those women were even blond-haired and blue-eyed, and Candy had realized in the past month that blue-eyed blondes were much more popular than green-eyed redheads. What if Roshi was really attracted to the women in those magazines and not to her? What if and when they finally made love, Roshi fantasized about those women when he was in bed with her?  
  
She felt that she had enough rivals for her Roshi's attention, and she certainly didn't want him dreaming about other women while he was with her. She wasn't about to share him with a bunch of glossy, nude paper dolls! Roshi had her, and he was still looking at those disgusting magazines! She had to get rid of them once and for all!  
  
And also there was Marron to think about. Juuhachigou had expressed concern off and on about the possibility of Marron seeing the pictures in Roshi's girlie periodicals. Getting rid of all of the nudie magazines was the best thing; Marron didn't need to get the wrong ideas about men, women, and sex.  
  
Candy felt confident that she was doing the right thing, as she taped up the cardboard boxes and began to tote them down the stairs. It was a good thing that she had volunteered to take the garbage out to the garbage barge that was coming today to haul away the Kame House trash.  
  
*************************************************************************************************  
  
When the garbage barge had arrived on the other side of Roshi's island, the others were still on the opposite side, playing and sparring with each other in the ocean. The garbage men wolf-whistled when they saw the gorgeous candy-apple red-haired female carting out heavy boxes of magazines. The gruff, grungy men immediately rushed to her aid and helped her carry out the numerous boxes of Roshi's pornography to the deck of the garbage barge. There were thirty boxes in all, and the garbage men loaded them up in the barge, along with the rest of the Kame House trash.  
  
"Thank you, fellows!" Candy tweeted, handing them each a bit of money from the generous household allowance that Roshi had provided for her. "You've taken a load off of me!"  
  
"You're welcome, miss!" one of the garbage men declared. "Now what's in all of those boxes anyway?"  
  
Candy said innocently, "Oh, just a bunch of useless junk that we don't need around the house. You guys have a nice day! I'd love to chat more, but I really must get dinner started!"  
  
"Bye-bye now, Candy!" the garbage men called out to her, as they began to board their barge. Candy smiled prettily at them, as she left the shore and went into Kame House. After she had shut the door, the lead garbage man said appreciatively:  
  
"Old Man Roshi's one lucky guy! Man, I'd give anything to have a doll like that living with me!"  
  
"Oh, yeah," one of the other men said, drooling, "she's a doll alright!"  
  
(If only he knew the irony of his compliment concerning her.)  
  
The garbage barge began to pull away from the island, as their whistle echoed throughout the land and ocean. The men kept staring at the boxes, wondering about their contents.  
  
"Hey fellows," said a third garbage man, "mind if I take a peek in these boxes?"  
  
"Not at all!" the lead garbage man told him. "I'm curious as to what Old Man Roshi and his gorgeous dame threw out."  
  
So the garbage men opened several of the boxes, and they cried out with delight. "All right! This is our lucky day, boys!" the lead garbage man cried, as he held up an old copy of "Playthings".  
  
"Whoa, baby!" another garbage man cried out. "I think I've died and gone to heaven! I'm holding the '1980 Sweet Cheeks Holiday Issue'! That one was a limited edition, you know, a classic! I still remember sweet Miss Merry Christmas of that year…boy did her picture make my season bright back then!" He showed them her centerfold. The other men hooted and hollered in agreement with his remarks.  
  
"Well, guys, it's true what they say…one man's trash is another man's treasure!" the lead garbage man said happily. "Okay, now let's divvy up this booty amongst ourselves!"  
  
"OKAY!" declared his pals excitedly. 


	7. Chapter Seven: Candy Apple Sees Red!

Chapter Seven: Candy Apple Sees Red!  
  
Three days later, Satan City Mall…  
  
Roshi and almost all of the other Kame House occupants were shopping at the Satan City Mall to buy wedding presents for Gohan and Videl. Roshi and Candy were holding hands, and little Marron was begging her parents to take her to every toy store. Oolong ogled several teenage girls, and he pointed out several of them to Roshi, much to Candy's ire. Umigame watched Roshi and Oolong warily to make sure that they didn't bother any girl unnecessarily, not that they ever listened to him anyway.  
  
Candy and Roshi left the others to go into Boudoir, a popular women's lingerie shop. It was Candy's favorite store (and Oolong's as well since Oolong could feel all of the women's underwear). Candy, who was dressed in a silk white sundress decorated with red hearts, wanted to go into the heavily perfumed store to pick up some lingerie, which Roshi desperately hoped that she would allow him to see on her. Candy wanted to buy herself something new, as well as find a present for Videl. She had seen an ad from Boudoir for half-off on teddies; maybe she'd some for herself and some for Videl for Videl's wedding night with Gohan.  
  
Oolong followed in behind them, but an elderly saleswoman with a tight, gray bun and an air of authority stepped in front of the pig.  
  
"Touch one female or attempt to steal one pair of panties, and I'll have you arrested and banned from this store," she warned Oolong in a stiff tone. "Remember what happened last time that you were in here."  
  
"It wasn't my fault that I mistook that girl for a dummy!" Oolong protested in vain. "I thought that I was trying to take off that red, lacy bra off one of your mannequins! How was I supposed to know that tall lady mannequin was a real girl coming out to show her friend her new bra? C'mon, lady, I just want to admire the merchandise!"  
  
The old saleswoman sighed. "Anything you take from here you better pay for," she said icily, and then she left to tend to a couple of ladies her age that walked in. She then called a final warning to Oolong, "And if you so much as lay your fingers on one of the customers…"  
  
"I know, I know," Oolong said quickly and edgily. "See, you don't-hey, check out those bikini drawers! See ya!" And he dashed away to look at the latest pairs of filmy bikini underwear.  
  
Meanwhile, while Candy was in the dressing room trying on a baby-blue teddy, Roshi was standing near a display of fancy water bras, eyeing the female customers walking in the lingerie store. He sighed, disappointed; there not a looker among them, and Candy was the youngest female in the store  
  
But that wouldn't be for much longer, for at that moment, two buxom young ladies in their early twenties strolled into the shop. One was a tall green-eyed brunette with small breasts and a model figure, thin with few curves. The other was a petite blonde wearing contact lenses that tinted her brown eyes violet; she small breasts too, but she was still curvy. Both girls were wearing hip-hugging jeans and belly-baring halter-tops. Roshi began to drool openly the moment that he saw them. He gave each girl a once-over, saying, "Whoa, whoa, whoa!"  
  
"Hello, girls!" he shouted cheerfully after he got out of Candy's immediate earshot. "Can I show you ladies something in your size?" The elderly saleswoman, who was behind the counter groaned and nearly fell over backwards; Roshi was another male customer that she had to worry about as much as that pig friend who always accompanied him.  
  
The two young women giggled at the old man ogling them. The tall brunette bent down and whispered to her friend in a teasing voice, "Hey, Ingrid, do you know who that old guy is?"  
  
"Not really, Natasha," Ingrid admitted.  
  
"Well, remember last week when our aerobics class jogged around the mall, and he was watching us, saying, 'Go girls, go!'"  
  
"Oh, yeah, I remember, the old pervert who likes to watch us jog," Ingrid recalled.   
  
"Well," Natasha said, grinning. "How would you like an extra fifty dollars?"  
  
"Sure!" Ingrid exclaimed. "But how?"  
  
"Go up to him and flash him your breasts."  
  
"WHAT?" Ingrid shrieked, horrified. "No way!"  
  
"Okay, okay," Natasha said easily. "I'll make it seventy."  
  
"A hundred," Ingrid told her firmly. "That old man looks like he'd paw me."  
  
"A hundred it is then," Natasha agreed. She was from a rich family. "But he has to see everything, nipples and all. I know that you're not wearing a bra." She looked in the direction of the elderly saleswoman, who was going into the backroom. No other employees were present.  
  
"Okay, very well. Will be back," Ingrid told her bravely, as she strolled up to Master Roshi, who was drooling by now.  
  
"Hello, handsome," she purred perfectly with sincerity. Ingrid was studying to become an actress. "See something you like?"  
  
"You bet, you bet!" Master Roshi exclaimed before he thought. Then suddenly, he felt guilty for the first time, ever. He remembered Candy's presence nearby and felt now that he was cheating on her. "Um, no girlie, I don't, I really don't. You see, I-"  
  
"Well, I'll show you something really special!" Ingrid said, as she reached down towards the hem of her pink halter-top. Swiftly, she yanked up her top to give Roshi a full glimpse of her breasts.  
  
At that moment, blood spurted from Master Roshi's nose, as it usually did whenever he saw nudity in real life; he was adjusted to the porn in his magazines, but real-life nakedness was too much for him. He held his nose, as the blood poured out, and Ingrid pulled down her top quickly, horrified.  
  
But Ingrid had pulled down her top a moment too late, for just before she dressed herself again, an angry Candy had witnessed the embarrassing scene. She flew out of her dressing room, wearing her sundress again, and she flung herself upon Ingrid and slapped the stunned girl sharply across her face.  
  
"How dare you flash my Roshi?" she screamed at the terrified Ingrid, who was trying to escape now. Natasha rushed to her friend's aid, but Candy jumped in between her and Ingrid. "So both of you girls were planning to seduce my man by showing off your boobs, eh? Well my boobs are bigger than those of both of you! Don't either one of you ever touch my man again!" She then seized Ingrid by her long, blonde hair and sent the girl flying to the ground.   
  
"Candy…" Roshi moaned.  
  
Candy rushed to the dressing room to get her first-aid kit out of her quilted purse, and she dashed to Roshi to help stop his nosebleed. She held at least five tissues to his rapidly bleeding nose, and Roshi gratefully held his nose and held his head down on her orders.  
  
"It's going to be alright, Roshi," Candy assured him in a soothing voice. "Those awful girls won't bother you again. I'll see to it."  
  
While Candy was attending Roshi, two uniformed police officers came up behind them, with Ingrid hysterically telling them what Candy had done to her. One of the police officers was a red-haired woman, and she spoke directly to Candy:  
  
"What is your name, ma'am?"  
  
"Candy Apple. Why?"  
  
"Miss Candy Apple," the other officer, an older gray-haired gentleman said sternly, as he took her arm gently. Candy and Roshi looked at the officer astonished, as the male officer said calmly, "You're under arrest for assault and battery on Ingrid Gustav."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
An excruciating five hours later at the Satan City Police Station…  
  
"She's a good woman, she really is," Master Roshi was telling the middle-aged male police chief. "She well…just has this mild jealous streak, and when she saw that girl flash me her breasts…"  
  
"Yes, Mr. Roshi, the elderly customer who called our attention to the incident mentioned that Miss Gustav did expose her breasts to you, and we've given the girl a warning about indecent exposure, but still that gave your girlfriend no right to do what she did!"  
  
"C'mon, Chief," Oolong said easily, grinning. "Even you can appreciate a good catfight now and then. Rrrow! There's nothing like two women fighting over a man, even if he is a pervert. Why you should watch the Playboy Channel's ladies' mud-wrestling championship sometime! You see, they-"  
  
"Oolong, that's enough," Krillin scolded the pig.  
  
"Candy's really done it this time," Juuhachigou groaned.  
  
"Mommy, why again did Candy go to jail?" Marron asked.  
  
"Because she started a catfight with that cute blond babe for flashing her boobs to Roshi," Oolong cheerfully explained.  
  
Umigame shook his head at this. He had known that Candy's extreme jealousy would get her in trouble one day-he just didn't know that it would get her into jail. Roshi was now planning to call Baba to ask to borrow money to bail Candy out.  
  
Fortunately today, Roshi would not need the money, for the police chief said severely, "Miss Gustav has agreed to drop charges against Miss Apple, if Miss Apple agrees to stay away from her in the future and mail her a written apology. Your girlfriend will be released, but I better not see her back here again."  
  
"No problem!" Roshi said happily. "Thank you and thank you!"  
  
"You better thank Miss Gustav," the police chief said.  
  
Within ten minutes, Candy walked into the police chief's officer with an officer behind her to unlock her cuffs. When she was released, Candy rushed over to Roshi, and Roshi embraced her.   
  
"Are you okay, Candy?" Roshi asked.  
  
"I'm fine now!" Candy declared happily.  
  
Juuhachigou was amused. "So I heard that you slapped some girl for flashing Roshi?"  
  
"Um…yes," Candy admitted, ashamed now.  
  
Juuhachigou smirked. "Good for you! The tramp deserved it."  
  
The police chief fell over backwards.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Two days later, one sunny afternoon…  
  
Strangely enough, Roshi hadn't discovered yet that almost all of his porn magazines were gone-and that was only because Candy had failed to retrieve the new ones that had just come in the mail, so the old man still had nude eye candy to fawn over. Roshi was sitting in the bathroom on the toilet, reading the newest issue of Playthings. Candy did not know yet that Roshi had obtained the new periodicals.  
  
Meanwhile, Candy was relaxing on the beach, wearing sunglasses, and her body was coated with the best sunscreen, as she lay in a chaise lounge. Her deepening tan set off her white string bikini set perfectly. She had fallen asleep in the sun on her back when a loud feminine squeal shattered the peaceful calm of the balmy day.  
  
"Yoo-hoo!" a blue-haired girl cried, as she drove her speedboat up to the shoreline of Roshi's island. Candy awoke quickly and removed her sunglasses for just a moment. She was astonished to see a younger version of Bulma-could that cheery girl with the higher-pitched voice be a relative of the Capsule Corp. heiress?  
  
"Hello?" Candy called to the girl, as the Bulma-look-alike climbed down out of the boat confidently. She wore a cherry red string bikini set over perfectly tanned skin, as she strutted and danced in front of her shining red-and-white speedboat. She called to the girl again, "May I ask who you are? Are you related to Bulma Briefs?"  
  
"Related to that old lady?" the Bulma doppelganger laughed. "Please!"  
  
"You do look like her," Candy said thoughtfully. "So, do you know anyone here?"  
  
"Of course!" the blue-haired beauty said happily. "My ex-boyfriend lives here, and I just came to see if he'd take me back! I've thought about him for years, and I wanted to see if he was still available."  
  
Candy tensed, and she arose from the chair with the protectiveness of a mother lion about to defend her cubs. What if this trollop was talking about her Roshi? "Just who exactly are you, and who did you come to see?"  
  
The aqua-haired female laughed merrily, "Why, I'm Maron! And I've come to see Krillin! Krillin and I were going to get married at one time, you know, but things just didn't work out between us. I came back here once years ago, but he wasn't around, and so I finally had to leave and move on. But I've come back again for him!"  
  
Candy relaxed-somewhat. She said quietly, crossing her well-toned arms, "Are you aware, Maron, that Krillin is married with a daughter now?"  
  
"Married?" Maron said, puzzled and worried "But to whom?"  
  
Maron received her answer soon enough when Juuhachigou walked outside. She recognized Krillin's Bulma-look-alike ex-girlfriend from old pictures that Krillin had of her, and every muscle in her android body stiffened. Her sky-blue eyes narrowed and darkened, as she viewed the interloper who had dared to come back into Krillin's life after she so carelessly allowed him to slip away. Years ago, once Juuhachigou had finally realized that she had fallen in love with the short ex-monk with no nose, she had gladly considered Maron's loss to be her gain.  
  
The blond android seethed inwardly; there was no way that she was going to allow that brainless blue-haired bimbo near her husband! The girl had to go!  
  
Swifter than Roshi rushing to his television when a women's aerobics program came on, Juuhachigou flew through the salty air, reaching Maron within seconds.  
  
"And just what are you doing here?" she asked Maron icily.  
  
"To see my Krillin, of course!" Maron bubbled happily. "I've missed him, and I've come here to see if he wants to get back together with me!"  
  
Candy nearly fell over backwards when she heard Maron's words. Candy knew how strong Juuhachigou was, and she also knew that Maron had signed her own death warrant with her last sentence.  
  
But just before a peeved Juuhachigou could make plans to send Maron to the next dimension, Krillin, Roshi, Marron, Oolong, and Umigame came outside to enjoy the beach. Krillin's jaw dropped when he recognized Maron, and both Roshi and Oolong started drooling openly when they saw her generous cleavage. Umigame watched her excitedly; if he hadn't been a turtle, he would have blushed. His affection for Maron the last time that she had came looking for Krillin after their breakup had been the closest thing to a crush that the turtle had ever felt for a human girl.  
  
The clueless Maron scurried past both Juuhachigou and Candy straight over to Krillin. "KRILLIN!" she screamed happily, flinging herself upon him before anyone could stop her. She hugged him around his neck tightly before Krillin could protest.  
  
"I've missed you so much!" Maron squealed, kissing him firmly on his cheek.  
  
"Maron…" Krillin began slowly.  
  
Maron hugged him tighter than ever. "I've come back to see you, Krilly!"  
  
"KRILLY?" everyone exclaimed. Oolong and Umigame snickered, and Krillin was embarrassed.   
"Krilly?" Juuhachigou said dryly, glaring at Maron. Maron, oblivious to Juuhachigou's deadly look, continued to hug Krillin.   
  
"I've missed you so much! Can we get back together?" Maron wanted to know.  
  
"Umm…Maron, I'm afraid that I-" Krillin began uncomfortably, but his ex-girlfriend cut him off.  
  
"Oh, say yes, Krilly, please!"  
  
Krillin gathered all of his nerve together and gently pushed Maron away from him. "Maron, I can't," he told her much more firmly. "I'm married to Juuhachigou, and we have a little girl. I love my wife, and no one can ever take her place. I'm sorry, Maron, but it's been over for a very long time now. I'm married to the woman that I love now, and you'll have to move on. It's been years, and it's over. Sorry."  
  
Maron's Bulma-like blue eyes filled with tears, and she began to cry softly. Krillin felt sorry for her, but he had to say what he said. He quietly left her and took his daughter by the hand, and they walked over to Juuhachigou.  
  
In the first few minutes, Maron's tears were genuine, but when she realized that they weren't working, she cried louder, as Krillin walked further away with his daughter. She elaborated the intensity of her sobs for her ex-boyfriend's benefit. She would take a furtive glance every now and then at Krillin and his family, and she quickly dried her eyes, realizing that her crocodile tears weren't getting her anywhere. She wasn't about to give up so easily, and so she decided then to try to make Krillin jealous.  
  
The foolish girl grew a big, happy smile on her face, and she danced over to Roshi, who was still staring at her generous chest. "Okay, Krilly, if you don't want me that's fine!" she called without looking back at him. "I'll just move on to bigger and better things, such as this fellow right here!" She cooed at Roshi, batting her eyes, and jiggling her soft, yet firm breasts ever so slightly.   
  
"You're handsome, even if you are old!" she declared. "But I like older men!"  
  
"I-I-I-" Roshi stammered uncomfortably, entranced by her subtle attempts at flirting with him.  
  
"I bet you'd be a great kisser!" Maron purred, as she sidled up to him and slid her arms around his aged neck. Roshi began panting and sweating. Candy was watching this scene and a storm was brewing in her darkening eyes. A murderous expression swept across her pretty features.  
  
"She's dead," Juuhachigou said bluntly.  
  
"Yeah, Maron did just step over the line," Krillin said nervously.  
  
Maron began to swivel her slim hips, casting looks back every now and then at Krillin, who was watching her worriedly, as Candy began to march angrily across the hot sands in her bare feet. Candy's fists were clenched, and she was huffing and puffing, the wolf ready to blow away the pig. Murder was in her eyes.  
  
Gathering what few wits that he had left, Roshi said anxiously, "Maron, I think you're pretty and all, but you see, I've got this girlfriend now, and she's a mite possessive, and-"  
  
"And what?" Maron challenged, now rubbing her body against him, making Roshi moan softly. "So who's the girl?"  
  
"She-she's right behind you, Maron," Roshi told the blue-haired bombshell. Maron turned around to see an angry Candy with balled fists standing behind her. Candy was ready to kill.  
  
"Oh, her!" Maron exclaimed. "You're in love with this old lady? She's old enough to be my mother! Why she-"  
  
But Maron would not get to speak another word, for at that moment, Candy seized Maron by her long, turquoise hair, yanked her away from Roshi, and threw her to the ground before anyone could stop her. Maron tried to get back up, but Candy shoved her down into the sand again.  
  
"Now, Candy…" Roshi began, trying to talk his girlfriend out of killing Maron, but Candy was at full rage now. Not even Dende could have reasoned with her at this point.  
  
Once Candy had released her hair, Maron scurried to her feet and began to run, but before she could get far, Candy seized Maron by her waist and flung her over her slim shoulder. With lightening speed, Candy raced down to the shoreline, carrying her victim, with Maron screaming all the way. Krillin, Roshi, and Umigame shouted at Candy to put Maron down, but the former fashion doll ignored them.   
  
"Let me go!" Maron screamed, kicking and struggling.  
  
"Shut up!" Candy screamed. "An old lady, am I? Old enough to be your mother, am I? I think you need to cool off, hot pants!"  
  
"Someone help me!" Maron shrieked, but no one could reach her and Candy in time. Krillin and Roshi scurried towards Candy and Maron, but Candy was faster right now than both of them.  
Candy reached the shoreline and with one good swing, threw Maron far into the ocean. A screaming Maron plunged into the ocean and disappeared under the waves for a few moments. Then she struggled back up to the surface and began waving and flailing her arms.  
  
"Someone help me!" Maron screamed. "I can't swim!"  
  
Umigame hurried behind Krillin and Roshi, as fast as he could, being a turtle, and Roshi said to him, "Umigame, let me on your back. We've got to go pull her out of the water."  
  
"I'll get her," Krillin told both of them. "I can fly over there."  
  
"I'm coming with you," Juuhachigou told him. There was no way that she was letting that tramp have a chance at touching her husband.  
  
Within ten minutes, Krillin had retrieved Maron from the ocean, and Juuhachigou had gone ahead of them to push the speedboat into the ocean. The android started the engine, and she called for Krillin to put the girl in the boat. Maron was clinging to Krillin, and she tried to kiss him in gratitude, but the ex-monk gently deposited her into the watercraft, and Juuhachigou gave the boat an extra shove along the water.  
  
"Don't you dare come back!" the blond android screamed at her rival.  
  
"Or else!" Candy added.  
  
Maron was smart enough to leave by then, and in terror, she put the speedboat on hyper speed and drove it away, sobbing and crying. Within minutes, she was no more than a dot on the water.  
  
  
  
An hour before dinner...  
  
"Master Roshi, can I ask you something?" Krillin asked Roshi, as they were watching Roshi's favorite women's aerobics program. "Doesn't it bother you when Candy acts the way she does every time that she gets jealous?"  
  
Roshi chuckled. "No, Krillin, not really, not very much." He grinned and winked. "Actually, I find it flattering! No other female has ever been so affectionate to me, or so possessive of me the way that Candy is! Don't you know how much fun it is and how great it is when a woman's fighting another woman over you! I consider myself a lucky guy! Of course, Candy could handle things a little more calmly when some girl gets around me, but she's just looking out for me. I like it that she loves me so much."  
  
"You're not worried?" Krillin asked, after a couple of bites of popcorn.  
  
"Not a whole lot...the only thing that I'm worried about now concerning is wondering when she'll finally go to bed with me. There've been times when I've wondered if she's really attracted to me, Krillin, but after today, I can be patient. I know that she cares for me, and I can wait. Besides, I'll bet that she'll be a tiger in bed...and when that day comes, then watch out! Why every now and then, I fantasize about the two of us doing--"  
  
"Ugh, Roshi, please!" Umigame exclaimed. "We're about to eat!" He could smell spices and meat coming from the kitchen.  
  
"Yeah, old man," Oolong insisted. "Keep your fantasies to yourself!"  
  
"Ah, you guys are no fun!" Roshi said, pouting.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Later that evening at dinner…  
  
After a Creole jambalaya meal that Candy had cooked for everyone, Juuhachigou gave Candy a thumbs-up, as she helped Candy clean up the mess. "Thanks," she whispered.  
  
"Your welcome," Candy said brightly. "That trollop was after my Roshi too!"  
  
Juuhachigou laughed. "No, Candy, she wasn't really after your boyfriend! She was just using him to make my husband jealous."  
  
"Oooh, then I wish that I had done more to her!" Candy fumed, clenching her fists after setting down a stack of dirty dishes on the table. "No bimbo uses my Roshi and gets away with it! No one uses my Roshi and lives to tell about it! He's too good of a guy for all those tramps that throw themselves at him!"  
  
Juuhachigou smiled mischievously. "You really do care about the old man, don't you?"  
"I love him," Candy said softly. "I know that he's perverted sometimes and he looks at those awful nudie mags, and he sometimes flirts with women, but I love him anyway. It's not his fault the ladies can't keep their hands off of him!"  
  
Juuhachigou wisely kept her mouth shut about her personal opinion that it wasn't the ladies' fault that Roshi couldn't keep his hands off of them. She smirked.  
  
"All of these girls keep trying to lead my Roshi on, so they can make fun of him and hurt him! Well, I'm not letting anyone hurt him or lead him astray! He's my man and my man alone! Okay, so he's not perfect, but then what man is! He can treat the right woman like a lady."  
  
"I'm amazed at that last part," Juuhachigou admitted. "I'm also surprised that you two haven't been to bed together yet."  
  
Candy smiled dreamily. "I wanted to wait until the time was right, although my Roshi wanted to speed things up. But you know what, Juuhachigou, I think that I just might be ready to…um, give myself to him."  
  
Juuhachigou prevented herself from groaning. Master Roshi was an okay fellow and very kind; he even let her and family live with him rent-free, but anyone wanting him as a bed partner? The android shivered involuntarily. Well, to each their own…  
  
"So, are you certain that you're ready to go to bed with him?" she asked Candy, as Candy took the stack of dirty dishes into the kitchen.  
  
"Yes," Candy said happily. "I am, and if he's willing…it might even be as soon as tomorrow. Wish me luck!"  
  
"I will," Juuhachigou promised her. If her friend was going to sleep with Master Roshi, she was going to need all the luck that she could get, especially since one had to wonder whether Roshi could still "get it up" at his advanced age. She patted Candy's shoulder companionably, hoping sincerely that all would go well for the fashion doll and the old pervert. 


	8. Chapter Eight: Be Careful For What You W...

A/N: This chapter eventually gets to be more emotional than most of the chapters that I've written for this story so far. There is also a good bit of citrus in the first half of the chapter, but nothing really graphic or lemony, since I doubt that anyone would really want to read a Master Roshi lemon. However, there had to be some action between Roshi and his new amour eventually, so I just added a few drops of lime.  
  
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Chapter Eight: Be Careful For What You Wish For, Master Roshi  
  
The next morning…  
  
"Heck, for an old man, I don't look so bad! In fact, I don't look so bad at all!" Roshi told himself happily, as he strutted around in front of a full-length mirror. He flexed his muscles and puffed out his chest, posing and modeling in the privacy of his bedroom. The only garment he wore was a faux fur leopard-print loincloth draped around his waist. He was fantasizing that he was Tarzan, and he even did a few Tarzan yells until Oolong came banging on his door, demanding that he cut it off.  
  
He continued to twirl in front of his mirror flexing and flashing his still-firm muscles. He was feeling confident at this moment, despite Oolong's earlier interruption of his fantasy play. "Oh, why if Bulma could see me like this, she'd dump Vegeta in a heartbeat and come running to me!" he whispered to himself. "Hey, why even Vegeta would cringe, knowing that I look like this!" (Of course, Vegeta would have cringed, but not for the reasons that Roshi thought that the Saiyan prince would.)  
  
Roshi still fantasized about Bulma every now and then, but his daydreams about her were becoming less and less frequent. More often now, it was Candy who occupied his thoughts, and his desire for the former doll grew more and more every day. She did let him see her nude before, especially during their water sports in the ocean, and strangely enough, Roshi hadn't had a nosebleed past the first time that he had seen her naked. It was bizarre, he knew, but Candy so far in so many years had been the only woman whom he could view completely in the buff and not have his nose burst with blood.   
  
He remembered the very first time months ago that Candy had allowed him to see the glory of her light-colored body. It was the beginning of their first time skinny-dipping in the ocean, and he and Candy had been alone, sitting on a red-and-white striped, oversized beach towel on the sand beforehand. Roshi had only been wearing a pair of blue and green Hawaiian-print swim shorts. Candy had casually started to untie the strings on her bikini, and Roshi had begun to panic.  
  
"What's wrong, Roshi?" Candy had laughed merrily. "Haven't you ever seen a nude woman before?" (This was before Candy had learned of Roshi's porn collection.)  
  
"Yes, er, I mean, no, well, yes, well I don't want to lie to you, Candy…but…" Roshi stammered and stuttered before he could tell her of his "condition". Candy had stroked his balding head and encouraged him to talk to her.  
  
"Tell me, Roshi, why are you so reluctant to see me au naturel?" Candy had asked, softly, kindly.  
  
Roshi, deeply ashamed, had reluctantly told her about his inability to view real-life nudity without his nose bleeding. That and his lasciviousness had kept him from the few real relationships with women that had been open to him throughout the many years of his life. Instead of mocking him, as he feared that she would, Candy said gently, "Roshi, I'll tell you what: why don't we go slowly with our nudity? If I were to strip slowly, would it help?"  
  
"We-we could try it," Roshi said nervously. Candy smiled, and she began to reach behind her back to untie her bikini strings once more. Roshi held his nose cautiously, as Candy slowly slid off her top, as if doing a striptease. Roshi began to tremble, both with fear and delight, as Candy easily allowed her bikini top to fall away from the perfect mounds on her body.  
  
"Easy, Roshi," Candy had told him smoothly, as she crawled over closer to him, allowing him to have a full view of her twin beauties. Roshi panted heavily, still holding his nose, hoping that he wouldn't bleed all over Candy and himself.  
  
After a few tense minutes of holding his nose while Candy held up her shapely bosom in front of him, the pressure in Roshi's nose began to ease, and it no longer felt, as if it had to bleed. Candy gently pulled Roshi's hand away from his nose, and then she leaned over and kissed him softly on his lips, with her full chest brushing against his. Roshi shivered with joy, as Candy pressed herself against him; it had been a long time since he had felt a woman's unclothed body against his chest. He then dared to embrace her, as Candy slid off her bikini bottom slowly. Roshi became excited, but then Candy slowly, reluctantly began to slide her bikini bottom back on. She kissed him more firmly, and then she had left to put her bikini top back on.  
  
"I can't tempt you too much, my Roshi," she had told him kindly. "It's too soon for us to go that far yet. I just wanted you to get used to seeing me this way."  
  
Roshi, of course, had been disappointed that things wouldn't go any further that day, but at least afterwards, he could view Candy in the buff without his nose ruining the moment. In fact, Candy was the only woman that he could view in the nude without his nose causing him trouble and bleeding.  
  
Ah, how could he seduce her? It had been close to six months since they had met, and they were nowhere closer to going to bed together. Roshi then sat down on the edge of his bed, sighing heavily. He was almost certain that he loved Candy, and he did want to make love to her. Would Candy ever allow him to make her his woman?  
  
His heart felt heavy, as if it wanted to sink into his feet, and he looked down into his lap at the faux fur loincloth on his waist. He was so lost in his thoughts that he did not hear a soft footfall enter the room, nor he did he feel one side of the bed descend under the weight of a female. It was only when he felt slender feminine fingers run along his shoulder that he knew that someone, someone special, had entered the room.  
  
"Roshi?"  
  
Roshi looked hopefully at the object of his affections, as she nuzzled his throat. "Candy?" he asked hesitantly.  
  
Candy slowly slid herself into his lap, pressing her soft, sculpted body against his bare chest, as she began kissing his neck and tracing the muscles along his chest.  
  
"Roshi, darling, do you have any plans for this afternoon?"  
  
Roshi stammered nervously, "Well, I did have a few plans-"  
  
"Cancel them," she said firmly, authoritatively. She began to push him down on the bed, with her perfect body resting upon his.  
  
Roshi chuckled wickedly, as he wrapped his arms around her. He wasn't about to disobey her at this point. He shivered with hope and delight, as Candy got off of him and stood up, doing a slow striptease. Roshi's eyes bulged as she easily slid off a purple strapless dress, and his eyes bulged even wider when he realized that she wore nothing underneath.  
  
"Ahhh!" Roshi sighed happily, as Candy descended upon him, her nude body pressing against his. She guided Roshi's hands all over her body, as she kissed him everywhere.  
  
With her help, Roshi had his loincloth off within seconds, but Candy insisted on being the one in control this time. "Next time you can take charge," she whispered boldly to him, as she threw back the covers and slid under them. Roshi didn't hesitate to climb under the covers with her. He and Candy embraced passionately, pressing themselves against each other, kissing each other everywhere, from each other's lips to their faces, to their necks and down below…  
  
"I've been wanting you for a while like this," Candy admitted breathlessly.  
  
"You've been well worth the wait," Roshi sighed happily, as he and his new lover continued further with their lovemaking under the covers.  
  
What followed afterwards would be a sweet expression of love and satisfaction between an aged man and a younger, eager woman who were starting to care deeply for each other. Whatever differences they had didn't matter at this time, as Roshi took Candy into his arms, and Candy began the long-awaited process of giving herself to him completely…  
  
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Two hours later…  
  
Candy was resting her silken red head upon Roshi's bare chest, as she snuggled up against his body contentedly. She kissed his chest, as she stroked the rest of it. No matter what other females had to say about Roshi, he had been more than satisfactory a lover, at least in her eyes. Roshi had been very eager, almost like a teenager, but Candy had convinced him to take things slowly in bed. He had been gentle with her, yet very passionate and bold later on. The former fashion doll had happily reciprocated his advances, and they had spent a wonderful time in bed together; all had went very well for their first time together.  
  
Candy grinned to herself, as she cuddled against her Roshi closer. She could definitely tell Juuhachigou tomorrow that Roshi had been able to "get it up" after all. In fact, he had been able to do more than even that…  
  
Roshi's snoring was like the peaceful rumble of ocean waves to Candy's ears, as she felt his chest rise up and down beneath her cheek. She then stretched herself up until she was in front of his face, with her lips close to his. She kissed him quickly, yet firmly.  
  
"I love you, Roshi."  
  
And with a sleepy yawn, Candy fell asleep on her beloved's chest.  
  
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A few days later…  
  
Candy and Roshi had only left Roshi's bedroom just long enough to get lunch and to get a robe for Candy. Everyone strongly suspected what Candy and Roshi had been up to, but no one had said a word for hours, even though the newly mated couple had strolled around the house in their robes. Oolong had snickered and joked to Umigame and Krillin that "the old man finally got some", but Umigame sharply reprimanded the pig, telling him not to be so crude. Krillin and Juuhachigou had been enormously embarrassed to see Roshi strutting around the house with a grin on his face, but deep down they were happy for Roshi and his new amour.  
  
Now three days later, Candy and Roshi were back in the bedroom, having decided to go for another round. Standing on the floor, Roshi growled ferociously like a tiger, as he eagerly walked towards Candy, ready to claim her again. But when he slid his arms around the trim waist of his mate, Candy's expression was one of misery and dismay. She was also unusually anxious to get to the bathroom as soon as possible.  
  
"Candy, what's wrong? Didn't I make you happy?" Roshi asked worriedly.  
  
"Of course you did, Roshi, but it's just that-"   
  
"Just that what?" Roshi wailed. "Candy, if I did anything wrong, I'll be happy to make up for whatever it was that I did-"  
  
"You can't make up for this, Roshi. In fact, there's nothing that you can do to solve this."  
  
Roshi was in despair at this point. "But what's going on, Candy? What's so bad that I can't help to make it better?"  
  
"It's not bad…it's just…well, we can't do much else today."  
  
"Why's that?" Roshi asked worriedly. "Did something happen?"  
  
"Yes," Candy told him honestly. "Something did happen."  
  
"And it's going to ruin our moment?"  
  
"Unfortunately."  
  
Roshi laughed. "Now Candy, what could have happened that would stop us from having some more fun?"  
  
Candy looked more miserable than ever, but there was nothing that she could do. Not even Roshi could help.   
  
"Well, my dear?"  
  
Candy said wearily, "My period started."  
  
BOOM! CRASH!  
  
Within seconds, Roshi's body had collapsed to the floor in a dead faint.  
  
"Roshi? Roshi?"  
  
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Two days later, in Roshi's bedroom…  
  
Roshi had tried to hold off as long as he could, but not being able to make love to his sweetheart was starting to wear on him.  
  
And Candy was one of those women who had her "time of month" for four days or more. She and Roshi had kissed, cuddled, and fooled around in bed, but they had not been able to do much more beyond that. To keep temptation at bay, Candy had insisted on keeping her underwear on, and she had asked Roshi to do the same. Roshi had tried to be as patient as possible, but to him, Candy was like the most succulent, rich, creamy German chocolate cake in the world; he couldn't stop after one taste.  
  
And today, Candy had decided to go shopping at the Satan City Mall with Juuhachigou and Marron. Krillin and Oolong had gone to visit the Son family, and Umigame had gone beneath the ocean surface to visit his cousins. Roshi had the house to himself, and he was growing very frustrated, not having any way of relieving the sexual tension that was building up deep within him.  
  
And since Candy wasn't around, there was only one thing that Roshi could do to calm himself down, the one thing that had seen him through many, many, MANY, days and nights with no female companionship: his beloved porn collection.  
  
Roshi casually leapt off of his bed to look under it for his most current porn magazines that he had received within the past two weeks. But when he looked under the bed, he discovered to his horror that his porn magazines were missing!  
  
"OOLONG!" he shouted. "I'm going to strangle you! I told you before about taking my mags without asking me first!"  
  
He hurried out of his bedroom and ran down the hallway to Oolong's room. After an hour of digging around in his friend's bedroom, Roshi was only able to find what magazines that he had given Oolong to keep in the past, but not the new ones that he had so eagerly wanted.  
  
After putting Oolong's room back together, Roshi left and wandered around the house worriedly, wondering what could have happened to his new magazines. Who else other than Oolong would have wanted his magazines? Umigame thought they were trash, and the turtle had never touched them in the past; Umigame was unnerved around scantily clad human females as it was.  
  
Krillin would have been too uncomfortable with even looking at the naked pictures of other women in those books; even if the former monk had wanted to peek at the books, Juuhachigou would have had a fit if he had even attempted to try it. Roshi remembered that Krillin had bribed him with porn magazines when Krillin had been a small boy trying to convince a younger Roshi to train him along with Goku. But Krillin later confessed that he had never once looked in those magazines; he had only brought them to Roshi because he had heard that the once-famous martial-artist had the world's largest porn collection, and he thought that he could convince Roshi to train him if he gave Roshi the magazines.  
  
Could Krillin's wife have possibly confiscated them and hidden them or thrown them away, so that Marron wouldn't see the pictures in them? No, he and Juuhachigou had a standing verbal agreement: if Roshi would keep his girlie magazines out of Marron's reach and view, Juuhachigou would not touch any of them. So far, as far as he knew, that agreement hadn't been violated. But what if it had?  
  
Roshi was pondering this, as he trudged up to the attic to look at his older magazines. Ah, well, he could always look at the 1980 Holiday Issue of Sweet Cheeks magazine, one of his favorite older magazines. He was drooling, dreaming of Sweet Cheeks' Miss Merry Christmas of 1980; Miss Merry Christmas of that year sure had back then looked like Candy did now.  
  
Roshi daydreamed of Candy dressed as Angelique Frost, the Miss Merry Christmas of 1980, had been in a red velvet bikini top and bottom set that was trimmed with white faux fur. He'd buy Candy the exact same outfit as Miss Frost had worn that year…she'd look yummier than ever! Roshi grinned giddily at that thought, as he opened the door to his attic, feeling much happier now.  
  
But his happy expression melted into one of horror and dismay immediately when he entered the attic-and found the numerous boxes of his porno stash gone!  
  
Roshi screamed, as he ran frantically throughout the attic, trying to find his pornography. All of the boxes of his magazines, many decades of magazines, were missing. And he couldn't find all of his new ones at all.  
  
After an excruciating hour of searching throughout his house for any porn magazine, the old man realized that he would have to give up. Someone had robbed his house while it had been empty; that just had to be it!  
  
He went outside on the front porch, sat down on the doorstep and began to weep uncontrollably. What sort of deranged creature would want to take away his favorite possessions, a bright spot in his life besides Candy?  
  
Who would want to do this to him?  
  
*************************************************************************************************  
  
The "deranged creature" was trying on a silk white strapless sundress with frilly ruffles on the skirt, twirling and posing in the dressing room. Juuhachigou was in the next stall over, admiring herself in a smart, pale pink suit with a suit jacket that was scalloped along the edges.   
  
Candy, deciding that she would get the new sundress, called out to Juuhachigou, "Remember a month ago when you said that you would be happy if those awful girlie mags that Roshi had would disappear?"  
  
"Yeah," Juuhachigou admitted, deciding that she would buy the suit that she was wearing. "What about them?"  
  
"Well, you won't have to worry about Marron looking at those pictures anymore," Candy informed her friend brightly.  
  
"How so?" Juuhachigou asked her, changing back into her old clothes. She had learned about the incident of Marron, Trunks, and Goten discovering Roshi's pornography stash in the attic, and she hadn't been happy about it. The android had realized that it wasn't Roshi's fault that the children had found the magazines, but she had told him about and insisted that he lock up the attic. Roshi had done so immediately without even looking in the room. Juuhachigou had warned Marron never to look at those books again, and both Trunks and Goten had been grounded indefinitely by their mothers. Vegeta had forced Trunks to undergo extra training as additional punishment.  
  
"Well, I decided to clean house and dispose of all of them!" Candy said proudly. "I know that Roshi won't be happy about that, but-"  
  
"You threw out his magazines?" Juuhachigou exclaimed. "Candy, I understand how we feel about those awful things, but that was going too far! Even I wouldn't have done that unless Roshi kept leaving them out for Marron to find. I don't like those magazines any more than you do, but you threw away someone's property! And it's Roshi's house, so he can keep what he wants in it. Roshi is going to go ballistic when he finds out!"  
  
"He doesn't need them anymore," Candy protested. "He has me. I don't like that he has to look over a bunch of naked women doing awful things in awful magazines when he has me now! I feel like he's being unfaithful every time he looks at those books; it's like that I'm not enough for him! What if he thinks about them when we're together? What if he finds those girls prettier than me? What if he finds a woman who looks like one of them one day and decides he would rather have her than me? Every time he picks up a porn mag, I feel like he desires another woman! I've looked at those nasty books before, Juuhachigou, and all of those ladies have curvier bodies, prettier faces, bigger breasts, nicer butts, and it just brings me down to see them!"   
  
Candy had now collapsed into tears. Hearing her sobs, Juuhachigou quietly left her stall, now dressed in her old clothes again, and knocked on the door of Candy's stall. A sobbing Candy opened the door, with tears running down her face, and Juuhachigou pitied her. The android could sympathize with her; she had felt the same way the first time that she had learned of Krillin's ex-girlfriend, Maron. Juuhachigou had secretly wondered if Krillin could ever love her as much as he had Maron, and it had taken her some time for her to see that she was Krillin's true love.  
  
It wasn't in her nature normally to be affectionate with anyone other than Krillin and Marron, but Juuhachigou felt sorry for Candy, so she drew the girl into her arms and hugged her. Candy wept on Juuhachigou's shoulder, and the android patted her back.  
  
"Hey, take it easy," she told Candy. "It's not the end of the world. Just tell Roshi the truth and how you feel about those magazines. Maybe he'll cut down on reading them, if nothing else. It'll be okay; Roshi thinks the world of you, and he'll get over it."  
  
Candy sniffled and nodded. When she had calmed down considerably, Marron came out of her stall, wearing a cute red sundress with straps and yellow suns on the fabric. Marron was also wearing a little red pillbox hat that was trimmed with silk pink daisies. On her feet was a pair of white patent leather Mary Janes.  
  
"How do I look?" she asked happily.  
  
"Beautiful," Juuhachigou told her with a smile.  
  
"Precious, just precious," Candy gushed, as Marron twirled around to model herself before her and Juuhachigou.  
  
"I want a little girl someday," Candy whispered. "Or even a little boy…as long as the child is Roshi's, either one would be fine with me."  
  
Juuhachigou only smiled, as she beckoned Marron to come closer, so she could see the price tag attached to her daughter's garment. The android winced at the high price of the outfit, but she agreed to let Marron have it anyway.  
  
*************************************************************************************************  
  
That evening…  
  
"Okay, everyone, we are having a household meeting," Roshi declared, as he turned the television off.  
  
All the Kame House occupants in the bedroom knew that Roshi was serious then, for the old man had turned off the set in the middle of his favorite evening women's aerobics program.   
  
"What's wrong, Master Roshi?" Umigame asked worriedly.  
  
"My porn stash is missing," Roshi said curtly. "Does anyone know what happened to it?"  
  
"What about the stash in the attic?" Oolong asked.  
  
"Gone, and my new ones are too," Roshi said, now mournfully. "I think that someone must have broken into our house and stolen them."  
  
"No one broke into your house, Roshi," Candy said quietly.   
  
"Why do you say that, Candy?" Oolong wanted to know.  
  
"The magazines weren't stolen; they were thrown away," Candy said softly with her red head hung down.  
  
"THROWN AWAY? Who would throw away my magazines?" Roshi fumed.  
  
"I would," Candy said, her voice very low. "I disposed of them some time back. I threw them out the last time that the garbage barge came."  
  
Roshi looked at her, devastated. "Candy," he whispered hoarsely. "Why? How could you do such a thing?"  
  
"Because I thought that they were a bad influence on Marron and the other kids…and because I was jealous of them, of those women in those magazines. I thought that you would be better off without them-"  
  
"Better off without them?" Roshi fumed, agitated. He was normally not one to get angry easily, but his porn stash had been thrown out! How could Candy do this to him? "Those magazines were mine, Candy, mine! You had no right to throw them out! I spent many years saving up all those mags; most of them cannot be replaced! I had magazines, older issues that were worth money! How could you do this to me?"  
  
"Roshi, I am sorry," Candy whispered tearfully. "I was just so jealous of those women in those books; I know now that it was silly for me to be, but-"  
  
"Jealous! You threw out my magazines because you were jealous of the women in them! Candy, your jealousy has gone too far! I found it flattering at first, but now this is ridiculous! Those women are models, Candy! What is the big deal about the women in those mags? It's not as if I'm having an affair with any of them; all I am doing is looking! Who did you think you were, throwing my magazines out like that? And I bet that you threw out the new magazines too, didn't you?"  
  
Candy nodded, ashamed.  
  
"Why, Candy, why?" Roshi hissed, furious. "You were acting as if those girls in those books could actually take your place! You acted as if those girls were real-life rivals-"  
  
"To me they are!" Candy screamed, standing up. She now was angry herself. "I thought that I meant something to you, Roshi! I've done everything with you and for you, and still you look at other women and those awful magazines! Well, you know what, I'm glad that I threw those magazines out, glad, glad, glad! I'm sick of you looking at other women, especially those naked women in those nasty girlie mags doing disgusting things! And when women flirt with you, you don't even bother to discourage them! I used to blame them, and I still do mostly, but I'm starting to think that you encourage them to come onto you! I don't like that I have to share you with a bunch of glossy paper dolls! If you cared about me, Roshi, you would stop looking at those mags altogether!"  
  
The room suddenly grew very quiet, and everyone looked at Roshi to see what he would say next.  
  
Roshi might have done what Candy had asked of him, had they not been fighting, but he was riled up as she was. He would have done anything that Candy had asked of him, but he was still peeved that Candy would throw out his personal property without asking him. He said defiantly, "I'm not giving up the magazines, Candy; they're just books of pictures, that's all. They're my property in my house. And as for the girls that I flirt with, I just do it for fun; it's not to cheat on you. I can do what I want!"  
  
"And so can I!" Candy snapped. "I'm giving you an ultimatum, Roshi: me or those girls and those awful magazines! I'm not staying with someone who would flirt with other girls in front of me or look at other naked women besides myself!"  
  
Roshi was more steamed than ever. "I'm not giving in to any ultimatums!" he huffed.  
  
"Fine then! I see that I have my answer! Well, since you've obvious made your choice, I'm leaving! I'm packing my things tomorrow, and I'm gone!" And she turned defiantly on her heel and began to march upstairs. Marron burst into tears.  
  
"Don't go, Candy!" she cried.  
  
Candy tried to calm down. She said as kindly as possible, "I'm sorry, sweetheart, but I think that it's for the best, if I go."  
  
"Fine, then go!" Roshi yelled, much to everyone's surprise. "I'll be just fine, and I know that you'll be back!"  
  
"No, I won't!" Candy snapped back at him. "I'm not going to stay with a man who I have to share with other girls and nasty magazines! And to think that I gave myself to you! I'm gone, goodbye!" And within minutes, she had stormed off into her room and slammed the door shut.  
  
"No, Candy!" Marron screamed, as her heart broke.  
  
Roshi then stormed off into the downstairs bathroom and slammed the door. Everyone could see clearly that he was furious.  
  
But what they couldn't see (or hear) was Roshi was now sitting on the toilet lid, crying his heart out. He didn't really want Candy to leave; he loved her so much. Now he was going to lose her over a silly fight. He didn't come out for hours, and he cried himself to sleep on the toilet, with his head pressed against the sink.  
  
*************************************************************************************************  
  
When he finally woke up and came out, the television was still turned off, and everyone was somber and quiet. Marron had her tearstained face buried in her mother's bosom, and Juuhachigou was stroking her hair. "Sweetheart, she'll be back when she calms down," she told her daughter.  
  
"She said that she was never coming back," Marron sobbed. "And it's all Master Roshi's fault! I hate him!" Master Roshi cringed at her words, and he felt worse than ever.  
  
"Easy, Marron, you don't hate Master Roshi," Krillin said soothingly.  
  
"Is Candy really gone?" Roshi asked mournfully.  
  
Umigame said quietly, "She is, I'm sorry. She left with two suitcases and a backpack. She said she was going to a hotel."  
  
"How is she going to get there?" Oolong asked.  
  
"Goku and I taught her to fly a month ago," Krillin replied. "She caught onto it pretty quickly, and I'm guessing that is how she left."  
  
"I've made a huge mess of things," Roshi whispered. "I didn't really want her to leave. I love her. I was just so angry that I didn't think."  
  
"We'll help you get her back," Krillin told him consolingly, patting the old man's back.  
  
"Candy loves you," Umigame told Roshi gently. "She probably just needs time to cool down some. I'd give her a few days."  
  
"But where will she go?" Roshi asked worriedly. "How will she survive? I hope that she has enough money. I've got to go find her!"  
  
"Wait until the morning," Juuhachigou advised. "I'm sure that she'll call you soon enough when she's had time to think."  
  
Roshi plopped down into a recliner and put his face in his hands, as he regretted his hasty last words to his beloved. The one time that he actually had a steady relationship, and he helped to screw it up! Despite Candy's faults and huge jealous streak, Roshi had always loved her unconditionally. Now what he was going to do?  
  
"The first thing I am doing in the morning is finding her! I've got to! I'm just so worried!" he sobbed, as tears began streaming down his face.  
  
"It'll be okay, Master Roshi," Umigame told him comfortingly.  
  
"I hope that you're right," Roshi whispered. 


	9. Chapter Nine: Candy On Her Own

Chapter Nine: Candy On Her Own  
  
A night later at the Devil's Lair Motel, Satan City…  
  
Candy Apple looked around the bleak hotel room where she had chosen to stay for the time being. There was one bed with a sunken mattress, threadbare quilts and sheets and two flat pillows. The dull brown carpet was dirty with numerous dark spots in many places, and rags had been stuffed in the holes in the one window. The only thing that made the cheap room worthwhile was the free cable on the small television. The room was definitely not fit for a flea, let alone a human, but Candy had taken the poor-quality room to conserve what money she had taken with her. She had double-checked the doors and the windows to ensure that no one could break into her room. She was skilled in martial arts, but what good would they do if someone had a gun to her head or a knife to her throat? The area that the hotel was in was one of the most crime-ridden ones in Satan City.  
  
She rested on the uncomfortable mattress that had a few springs stabbing her through the material, and she sighed, listening to the squeal of police sirens for the third time that night. Tears glistened on her smooth cheeks and reflected the neon red lights of the police car sirens flashing through her window.  
  
She had taken only one thing of Roshi's-one of his striped nightshirts that were still unwashed, and she hugged it to her ample chest, inhaling his scent. She regretted deeply leaving her Roshi now, but she felt certain that he would not take her back after the things she had said and done.  
  
But along with the deep regret and sadness she felt about leaving Roshi, the anger over his apparently choosing his magazines and flirting over her remained. She had fallen deeply in love with the old, balding, sometimes perverted (okay, more than sometimes), martial artist, and he still chose to flirt with other girls and look at nudie magazines! She was better off without him!  
  
Wasn't she?  
  
Candy hugged the nightshirt closer to her, as she cried herself to sleep, still hearing the police sirens.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The next day, Food Fest Market, Satan City…  
  
"Let's see…low fat milk, whole wheat bread, Swiss cheese, anti-aging cream, clarifying shampoo and conditioner…lunch meat, porterhouse steak…maybe a bottle of wine…" Candy said thoughtfully, as she neared the frozen foods section with a cart filled with "essentials". "No, skip the wine, I'll go with ice cream instead…the double-fudge, triple chocolate, five-nuts kind." She opened the freezer door and reached inside for a pint of her favorite ice cream.   
  
Just as she was putting the ice cream into the cart, the heel on one of her black high heels suddenly broke off, and she nearly tripped, falling into the cart. Candy managed to steady herself in time, but she could not stop the cart from rolling away towards the checkout lanes. The cart seemed to have a life of its own, as it steadily picked up speed. Candy slipped out of her shoes and chased after it frantically; she didn't want to fly in front of people and draw attention to herself.  
  
"Runaway cart!" she screamed to no one in particular.  
  
But no one was paying Candy or her cart any mind, for they were helpless, caught in the midst of an armed robbery. Two masked robbers were waving guns around and holding the cashiers and the customers up for their money. One robber was shouting at a frightened young man.  
  
"Hurry up with that money, boy! We don't have all day!"  
  
The terrified young boy was hurriedly filling a cloth sack that the robber gave him with cash from his drawer. The other cashiers had already given the robber and his partner all the money in their drawers and their hands were held up in the air, just as the robbers had ordered them to do.  
  
Finally, when the boy had finished filling the sack, the robbers gathered together and one of them cried, "Now everyone get down on the ground and cover your faces! No one try to be a hero-"  
  
Those would be the robber's last words before Candy's renegade cart crashed into his body and the body of his partner's. Both robbers fell into the cart, with the first robber getting stuck in the basket, and the second robber falling on top of his stomach. The robbers dropped their guns to the ground, as Candy's runaway cart wheeled through the checkout lane and headed towards a five-foot tall display of watermelons.  
  
The cart with the hapless robbers crashed into the watermelons display…  
  
"BOOM! SPLAT! CRUSH! SPLURT! SQUISH!"  
  
…And the robbers were now wearing watermelon parts all over them. One robber was wearing a watermelon helmet on his head, and cold, frosty pink pieces of melon were dribbling down his mask. The other robber was knocked unconscious and Candy's cart was tipped over, with all of her groceries spilled. Her gallon of low fat milk was now splashed all over the robbers, and the bread was squashed flat. The melting ice cream was now spilled all over the floor.  
  
The Satan City Police had arrived by then after one of the cashiers had pulled a silent alarm in his register. Videl, who still worked with the Satan City police, pulled out a couple of pairs of handcuffs, and two officers were behind her, pointing guns at the foiled robbers.  
  
"You're under arrest for armed robbery and property damage!" one of the officers shouted.  
  
Candy frantically came up from behind the officers, searching the mess with her eyes for something important. "My purse! My purse was in that cart!" she cried.  
  
Videl reached down to pull out a quilted purse that was now stained with chocolate ice cream and watermelon. "Is this it…Candy? What are you doing here?"  
  
"Sh-shopping," Candy stuttered. "What happened here?"  
  
"Is this your cart, ma'am?" one of the officers asked.  
  
"Why yes," Candy said. "My cart escaped from me."  
  
"Well it's a good thing that it did, miss," the older of the two officers replied, as more policemen scurried in to take the robbers into custody. As the robbers were unmasked, the officer told Candy, "We've been looking for these guys for weeks."  
  
"We owe you one, miss!" the store manager cried.   
  
"But all I did was let my cart get away from me," Candy insisted.  
  
"Yeah, you did, lady, thanks a lot," one of the robbers grumbled, as he was being handcuffed.  
  
"Yeah, now we're goin' to prison, thanks to you, you red-haired bitc-" the other robber began.  
  
He didn't get to finish his sentence, for at that moment, Candy used her purse to belt the foul-mouthed robber in his mouth, and he fell back into the arms of the officer who was handcuffing him.  
  
"Never insult a lady!" Candy yelled at him. "And keep your gutter language where it belongs-in the gutter!" The robber cursed Candy under his breath, as the police officers only laughed at him.  
  
At that moment, Goku and Chichi walked in with Goten in tow and Chichi puzzled. "What happened here?" she inquired. Chichi had Goku bring her here to buy some special ingredients for a meal that she was cooking that night, and this grocery store was the closest place that she knew to find a couple of the required items.  
  
"Looks like the store got robbed," Goten observed.  
  
"Aw darn," Goku muttered. "And they ruined the watermelons! I really wanted a watermelon tonight too!"  
  
Chichi nearly fell over backwards, and Goten begged, "Can we get some candy?"  
  
Goku chirped, "Speaking of Candy…hey, Candy, how've you been? Hey, Videl!"  
  
"Hey Goku! Candy just foiled a robbery," Videl replied. "Her cart crashed into these guys when they were robbing the store."  
  
As the robbers were being handcuffed and led away, Goten shouted to the police officers, "Take 'em away, boys!"  
  
"Goten!" his mother scolded.  
  
Goten grinned. "I've always wanted to say that."   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
An hour later…  
  
"So, you're staying at the Devil's Lair Motel?" Chichi asked, as Goku was driving her, Candy, and Goten back to Candy's motel. "I've heard of that place…it's been robbed about five times. And not to mention it's one of the dirtiest, nastiest places around."  
  
"I have to save my money," Candy replied. She was sitting behind Chichi and next to Goten, who was playing with a candy necklace. "I moved out of Kame House."  
  
"Mwhat Mhappened?" Goku asked her between mouthfuls of watermelon.  
  
"Goku…" Chichi said reproachfully.  
  
Goku swallowed the last bit of his food. "Sorry," he apologized. "Anyway, Candy, what happened?"  
  
Candy briefly explained what had happened between her and Roshi. Chichi sided with her immediately. "I don't blame you for leaving that pervert, especially after that."  
  
"Chichi, c'mon," Goku scolded. "Master Roshi's really a nice guy; he taught Krillin and me everything that we know."  
  
"I'm not saying that he isn't, Goku," Chichi told him. "But any man who picks dirty magazines over a woman who loves him doesn't deserve her. She's better off without him."  
  
"Chichi, please," Goku said. "He really does love her; you can tell that every time that he looks at her." He turned to Candy and smiled. "Why don't you give the old guy another chance?"  
  
"I don't know, Goku," Candy told him. "I really do love him, but I think right now we need a break from each other."  
  
"Well, you can stay with us for right now," Chichi told her.   
  
"Great, thanks! And I'll help you clean house," Candy told her.  
  
"I could use the assistance. Gohan usually helps clean when he's home from the university, but I'm lucky if I can get Goku and Goten to take their dirty dishes to the sink to be washed. And Dende forbid they wash them!"  
  
"Mom, we took care of the dishes two days ago!" Goten protested. He lay back in the backseat and grinned. "Thanks to us, you don't have as many dishes to wash."   
  
Chichi started hyperventilating, as Goku added with a smile, "Chichi, relax, it was an accident! Didn't you say that you wanted to buy some new dishes last week anyway?"  
  
Chichi mumbled under her breath, "One…two…three…four…"  
  
"How come?" Candy inquired to Goten.  
  
Goten piped up, "Well, Mom made us wash the dishes that time, so Dad and I were wondering just how to wash all of those dishes quickly, so that we could get back to training. Gohan was at university, and Vegeta and Trunks and Bulma had lunch with us, and there were a whole lot of dishes after we all ate. Mom and Bulma did all the cooking, and they got mad when us guys wanted to go outside and spar, so Mom said that no one was leaving until the dishes were washed."  
  
"Well, that's reasonable," Candy told him. "Chichi and Bulma did cook. It wouldn't have hurt for you guys to wash dishes."  
  
"But, there were mountains of dishes, and none of us really knew how to wash dishes, and Vegeta was mad. He kept saying how the Prince of the Saiyans shouldn't be reduced to 'menial feminine tasks', but Bulma gave him the evil eye, and he agreed to do it anyway. Anyway, he and Dad saw a fire hydrant not too far from our house, and Dad came up with what we thought at the time was a great idea on how to wash the dishes."  
  
Goku chuckled at the memories that Goten's story was stirring up, while a still highly-stressed Chichi had given up counting and was now mumbling, "Happy place…happy place…I am going to my happy place…I am calming down now, yes…"  
  
Goku added, "Vegeta also came up with a great idea. He remembered Trunks saying that we had a fishing net in the attic, so he sent Trunks and Goten to bring it down. When we spread the net out, we laid all of the dishes into the net, and Goten squirted a whole bunch of dishwashing liquid all over them. Then we drew the net up and carried all those dishes outside-"  
  
"And then Dad flew over to the fire hydrant and took off the cap," Goten said excitedly. "Then Vegeta took all the dishes in the net, and Trunks and I had to show Dad how to turn on the fire hydrant, and when Dad finally did, all the water came bursting out and hit the dishes. They were clean in no time!"  
  
"They were clean, son," Goku agreed, as he turned the wheel. "But unfortunately, the force of the water broke over half of the dishes, and we knew we were in for it then."  
  
"And we couldn't get the fire hydrant to stop shooting out water, so Vegeta said, 'I know one way to stop it', and he fired a huge ki blast at the hydrant, but that just made it worse. By then, someone had called the fire department and the police! Water was shooting right into the sky! Trunks and I sure had lots of fun playing on the waterspout!"  
  
Chichi was pale and shaky, as she sang, "Hakuna Matata…"  
  
"And the police came out and tried to arrest Dad and Vegeta for vandalism and destruction and misuse of public property. Fortunately, Mom and Bulma came out and Bulma talked the police out of arresting Dad and Vegeta. Mom just fainted, and Dad was relieved, and Vegeta was glad because now we wouldn't have to listen to Mom scream until later-"  
  
Chichi's face had gone from white to red, and Goku, recognizing the warning signs of his wife's coming ire, said to Goten, "Okay, Goten, I think we gave Candy the idea."  
  
Candy was staring wide-eyed at Goku and Goten. She could understand now why Chichi was so eager to allow her to move in.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Two days later…  
  
Candy was comfortably settled into the Son house, with Chichi giving her the guest room. Candy agreed to become the new housekeeper to pay for her room and board, and Chichi loved the extra help with housecleaning. Goku, Goten enjoyed her meals greatly. In fact, Candy's cooking was appreciated so much that Goku, a man with a good heart, but not always the best sense of tact, had gone as far to say that Candy's apple pies and curry dishes were even better than his wife's. This mistake earned Goku a spot on the living room couch, where he was still sleeping at this time.  
  
Today, Candy, who could fly, had been sent on an errand by Chichi to the candy store in the nearest town close to the Son house; Chichi was making some special sweet treats for Goten's upcoming birthday. Candy liked pretty Nutmeg Village, with all of its storybook, gingerbread-like houses in various pastel colors ranging from sunny yellow to pearl pink to robin's egg blue to mint green. She ran along the cobblestone sidewalks, wearing a simple pair of white leather tennis shoes, along with a pair of short denim shorts and a sleeveless, pale green tank top with a small V neckline. Her candy-apple red hair glistened and shone in the bright sun, as Candy hurriedly rushed to find some shade before trekking any further to the candy store.  
  
While she was running along, an older gentleman in his forties began to follow her. He was clean-cut in a gray Armani business suit, and his air of confidence accentuated his attire perfectly.   
  
Candy was a fast runner, so it took her admirer nearly twenty minutes to catch up with her. He boldly followed her into the picturesque Sweetie Tweetie Candy Shop, which resembled a small gingerbread castle. He caught her, just as she had reached the cake decorations section.  
  
"Excuse me, miss?" the gentleman addressed Candy directly. The former doll turned around towards the stranger, both startled and fascinated at the same time. She admitted to herself that he was handsome, and that suit fit him nicely. She gave him a bright toothpaste smile.  
  
"Yes?" she asked sweetly.  
  
"Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Lane Pierce, from the Beautique Modeling Agency. Have you ever modeled before, miss?"  
  
"Why, no," Candy replied, a bit astonished that a modeling agent would approach her. Sure, she knew that she was beautiful, but she had seen women that she thought were far lovelier than she was, especially those girls in those dirty magazines that Roshi had chosen over her…  
  
Lane Pierce showed Candy his business card and photo ID. Candy studied both carefully, and she decided to take a chance and determine that he was legitimate. She said modestly, "I never really thought of myself as a model type." She was suddenly feeling very light-headed and dizzy, and all she wanted to do was sit down somewhere. She thought that it was probably the heat outside.  
  
"Oh, well, I believe that you are. You're very tall and shapely, and this year shapelier, curvier models are 'in'. Normally, our clients prefer stick-thin girls, but this year, many of their customers are demanding to see women with curves, 'real women', they say, in the ads, so we are on a new model search. I believe that you could be what my agency is searching for. Would you like to drop by our agency tomorrow at one o'clock? Do you have a way to get to Satan City, where our headquarters are located?"  
  
"Yes, I do," Candy affirmed wearily, wishing that she could find somewhere to sit down. "But I don't know about modeling-"  
  
"At least think about it," Lane said kindly. "All I am asking that you come by and talk to us and let us take some photos of you. What do you say?"  
  
"Well, I say-" But before Candy could finish her reply, her shapely legs gave way under her, and she collapsed to the floor in a dead heap. 


	10. Chapter Ten: I Want Candy!

Chapter Ten: I Want Candy!  
  
Two days later, Kame House…  
  
"And again, Roshi, why should I do this?" Baba demanded to know, as she rested upon her crystal ball.  
  
"Because you're my favorite sister?" Roshi asked hopefully.  
  
"I'm your only sister," Baba retorted, narrowing her beady eyes at him.  
  
"Well, I can give you a reason," Juuhachigou said wryly, as she leaned against the doorway, with Marron resting against her mother's leg. Marron had been sad and withdrawn for days, and she had spent much of her free time looking wistfully out the windows of Kame House to see if Candy was coming. Each time, she was disappointed.  
  
Juuhachigou ruffled her saddened daughter's fair hair and continued, "Helping your brother get Candy back would help keep your brother from harassing other girls. Think about it, Baba: you've always complained about Roshi's pursuing young girls and driving them crazy. For the first time ever, Roshi has a girl who actually wants him, and if he's busy with her, then other females will be safer."  
  
Baba said thoughtfully, tapping her toe on her crystal ball, "You have a valid point, Juuhachigou. My brother still is and always will be a pervert, but at least if he has someone on a regular basis to fulfill his desires with, then the rest of the female population under thirty-five can sleep better at night. As for Candy, let me check my crystal ball and see where she is at this time…" She hopped off of her ball and landed lightly on her feet, and then she easily carried her crystal ball over to a coffee table and set it down.  
  
As Baba waved her hands over the ball and began chanting some magic words, Roshi hovered about anxiously, hoping that his Candy was doing okay…  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Dende's Palace…  
  
Piccolo's cape swept majestically behind him, as he walked along the marble tiles of the palace grounds, as if he were Earth's deity, instead of Dende. Well, technically, he had been, thanks to Kami, who had fused with him. Piccolo had just come back from visiting Gohan at Gohan's university, and he was as fresh and strong as ever, even after a tough sparring match between him and his closest friend.  
  
Dende and Mr. Popo were standing on the edge of the Palace grounds when Piccolo stealthily came up behind them. Had they been ordinary people, Dende and Mr. Popo would have been startled to see the long, dark shadow of the imposing Namek warrior. But since they were Dende and Mr. Popo, Piccolo's surprise appearance did not faze them in the least.  
  
"I just back from sparring with Gohan," Piccolo began without preamble. "He tells me that Roshi's playmate, Candy Apple, has moved out and moved in with Gohan's family. So Chichi finally has someone to help her with the housework besides Gohan when he's home…hmmm. Normally, I don't pay much attention to what that old man does, but I never fully figured learned what came between him and Candy."  
  
Dende smiled. "Candy and Roshi had what humans would call a 'lover's quarrel' that especially concerned Roshi's ogling other girls and viewing pornography. Perhaps this will serve as a wake-up call for our resident pervert. Yet, despite their differences, he and Candy are meant for each other."  
  
Piccolo grumbled, crossing his arms, "I can't imagine what any young woman would see in an old has-been geezer who has nothing better to do these days than eyeball girls young enough to be his great-granddaughters and try to touch them."  
  
Dende looked at him and teased, "It sounds like you're jealous, Piccolo."  
  
Piccolo was horrified at this comment. His eyes bulged out, and his jaw dropped. Dende laughed. "C'mon, Piccolo…I never understood why a handsome, strong fellow such as yourself doesn't try to date."  
  
"Umm, Dende, need I remind you that I am not from this planet and most human females prefer men who are close to their kind, or who at least look human? I'm not exactly what ladies on this planet would call a dream date. And even if I did want to pursue a female, it's not feasible because I don't have time for that sort of thing."  
  
"Piccolo," Dende chuckled. "The world is not in danger at this time. There's no reason why you can't go out with some nice young ladies."  
  
"Oh, really?" Piccolo mocked. He had no intention of seeing any female anytime soon. "And what about you, Dende? When's the last time that you dated?"  
  
Dende blushed. "Umm…well, I've been sort of busy myself-"  
  
"Alright then. Until I see you with a woman, you have no business saying anything to me."  
  
"Yes, sir," Dende said meekly.  
  
Mr. Popo decided to change the subject. "Well, Dende, why don't we see how Candy Apple is doing."  
  
"Since when do you care?" Piccolo wanted to know.  
  
This time it was Mr. Popo's turn to blush. "Well, frankly, Piccolo, I think that she's a very lovely woman…a man's dream, other than that slight jealous streak. She's about as pretty as Flory, and speaking of which, I have to get ready for my date with her."  
  
"Since when do you have a date?" Piccolo wanted to know.  
  
Dende grinned. "Flory's a nice Haitian-American receptionist in her mid-thirties that Mr. Popo had met when he was down on Earth for some cooking supplies. I believe it was in a gourmet shop that they met, and he and Flory had been on a couple of dates. Flory, however, doesn't know yet what Mr. Popo really does or who he really is, but Mr. Popo's never been happier."  
  
"That's right," Mr. Popo said brightly. "And I must hurry up and bathe and ready myself. See you two later!" And with that, he dashed off towards the palace doors. Dende grinned wider and Piccolo sighed.  
  
"Just tell me what Candy and Roshi have been up to," he said wearily.  
  
"Very well," Dende said happily. "Let's just say that if Candy and Roshi make up, Candy won't be returning to Roshi alone."  
  
"What do you mean?" Piccolo demanded to know.  
  
Dende winked. "Well, have you ever heard the phrase, 'the gift that keeps on giving'?"  
  
"Yeah…so?"  
  
Dende chuckled. "Well, Roshi's next birthday will be nine months from now…and let me add that Candy already has a present for him that should arrive just in time to make Roshi's big day one that he'll never forget."  
  
Piccolo's eyes widened. "Are you saying, Dende that Roshi and Candy are going to…" He couldn't get out the last words that he needed.  
  
Dende laughed. "You've got it, Piccolo! I can't wait to see Candy's reaction when she finds out that…"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"I'm PREGNANT?" Candy exclaimed in the doctor's office.  
  
"That's right!" the Son family doctor, Dr. Yingles, said cheerfully. "Congratulations, Miss Apple!"  
  
Candy was shocked, to say the least. She touched her stomach, which was still very flat. She could feel a trace of small ki, but other than that, there was discernible sign that she was with child. She gently rubbed her stomach, allowing the words of the doctor to sink in.  
  
"I can't believe it," she whispered. "I didn't think a man Roshi's age could…well, I just find it so amazing, so shocking…and so scary." She looked at the aged, graying doctor worriedly. "What am I going to do?"  
  
"Do you have an income?" Dr. Yingles inquired.  
  
"Well, I was offered the possibility of a modeling job," Candy replied, "But I don't know if they'll offer me that job still while I'm pregnant. I have to figure out how I'm going to care for this child, and I don't know yet just how I'm going to do it."  
  
"Where is the father, if you don't mind my asking?" Dr. Yingles asked. "Perhaps you should contact him, Miss Apple. The child is his too."  
  
Candy hung her head down. Would Roshi want to be a father? He always said that he loved her, and that he would always stand by her, but would he want to raise their child? Would he even be a good father, or would he just wind up being a poor role model? And would she have to constantly worry about their child getting into his or her father's porn stashes?  
  
"I will have to think this over, Dr. Yingles, thank you."  
  
"You're welcome, Miss Apple. And good luck in whatever you wish to do." He handed her some pamphlets listing names of various services and classes for pregnant women.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Back at Kame House…  
  
"SPLASH!"  
  
"Ahhh! That water is cold!" Roshi cried.  
  
"Well, how else were we supposed to revive you?" Juuhachigou demanded to know after handing Marron the empty water bucket to put back. The blond android had splashed water onto Roshi's face to revive him after he had fainted from the shock that Candy was pregnant.  
  
"Congratulations, Roshi, you're going to be a daddy!" Krillin exclaimed happily.  
  
"Yay! Candy's going to have a baby!" Marron squealed.  
  
Umigame smiled. "Maybe fatherhood will settle Roshi down a bit."  
  
Oolong rolled his eyes. "Another version of Roshi's coming into the world. Like one of him isn't enough!"  
  
Roshi abruptly jumped up and cuffed Oolong. "Listen here, you! You're not going to insult my child! I've got to go find Candy now and do all I can to make up with her!" He grinned giddily. "I can't believe that I'm going to be a daddy! I'm going to be a father, ME! Now let's see, what should I name the coming tyke…how about Bulma for a girl? What do you guys think?"  
  
Everyone fell over backwards, except for Baba. Baba snapped, "Roshi, you moron! Not after Bulma!"  
  
"You're right, Baba," Roshi said happily. "How about after Maron, Krillin's ex-girl?"  
  
"No way," Juuhachigou said, rising from the floor. "I already have my daughter named Marron! How about…hmm…"  
  
The others too began to sit around thinking of baby names, as Roshi began to dance about the room, and as he began dancing, he rushed to a telephone and began dialing the number of what he knew to be Candy's favorite radio station, which was playing her favorite talk-and-music show at this time. Claude Elks was the host, a host who normally played love songs.  
  
"WRLB 98.7. This is Claude speaking. How may I help you?"  
  
"Well, yes," Roshi began. "I need you to do a BIG favor for me, Claudie. You see my girlfriend is knocked-up…err, I mean pregnant, and we're not together right now. I just want to let her know, if she's listening, that I love her. Can you play this song for me, Claude?" He mentioned a song for Claude to dedicate to Candy.  
  
A minute later, after Claude had looked up the song, he said regretfully, "I'm sorry, Mr…err…what was your name again?"  
  
"Roshi. Master Roshi."  
  
"We don't have the song at all that you requested."  
  
"Well, that's alright, Claude. I'll just sing it myself on the air, if you don't mind."  
  
"Umm…well, it's not something that we normally allow…"  
  
"PLEASE!" Roshi suddenly wailed desperately. "I really, really, really, do love her and miss her, and I want to say that I'm sorry for the things that I did and said." He continued plaintively, hoping that Candy was listening right now, "Candy, this is Roshi! I just want you to know that I love you, and that I'm sorry, and that I want to make things right between us. And I'll prove it to you, my love!"  
  
"Candy, if you're listening, I just want to declare for everyone to hear what I'm about to say. You mean more to me than all the porn mags and pretty young things in the world, and if you come back to me, I do so solemnly swear to give up my girlie magazines and ogling pretty girls forever! That's right, Candy, I vow to give up my magazines and flirting with other ladies for good!"  
  
"Um, Mister, that's very touching," Claude began uncomfortably. "But we really don't have time…"  
  
"Please, let me finish!" Roshi insisted. He continued on the phone, "And Candy, my love, I have not one, but two songs, that I wish to sing to you. In fact, I'll began right now…"  
  
"Mister Roshi, please," Claude pleaded. "I really must take other calls…"  
  
But Roshi was oblivious to Claude's pleas. He began to sing in a low, mournful, slightly croaky voice:  
  
I'm sorry, so sorry  
That I was such a fool.  
I didn't know  
Love could be so cruel.  
Oh oh oh oh uh-oh oh yes.  
  
You tell me mistakes  
Are part of being young...  
  
"Young?" Oolong mocked. "If he's young, then Vegeta is a pansy!"  
  
"Make sure you don't mention that around Vegeta," Krillin told him.  
  
But that don't right  
The wrong that's been done.  
  
(I'm sorry) I'm sorry -   
(So sorry) So sorry.  
Please accept my apology,  
But love is blind,  
And I was to blind to see.  
Oh oh oh oh uh-oh oh yes.  
  
You tell me mistakes  
Are part of being young  
But that don't right  
The wrong that's been done.  
Oh oh oh oh uh-oh oh yes.  
  
I'm sorry, so sorry  
Please accept my apology  
But love was blind,  
And I was too blind to see.  
(Sorry)  
  
Claude stammered on the air, "Aww…that was very sweet, Mister Roshi, and I hope that this Candy hears you. Well, now let's move on…"  
  
"Wait," Roshi said firmly. "I'm not done yet. I have another song for my love. Ahem, ahem." He coughed for a few moments and then began to sing loudly and boisterously:  
  
  
I know a girl who's soft and sweet.   
She's so fine, she can't be beat.   
Got everything that I desire.   
Sets the summer sun on fire.   
  
I want Candy, I want Candy!  
  
Go to see her with her hair hung down.   
Ain't no finer girl in town.   
Candy's just what the doctor ordered.   
She's so sweet, she makes my mouth water.   
  
I want Candy, I want Candy!   
I want Candy, I want Candy!  
I want Candy, I want Candy!  
  
Candy on the beach, there's nothing better.   
But I like Candy when it's wrapped in a sweater.   
Some day soon I'll make her mine   
Then I'll have Candy all the time!   
  
I want Candy, I want Candy!  
I want Candy, I want Candy!  
  
"Candy, I love you," Roshi whispered. "And I want to help raise our child."  
  
And quietly, he hung up the phone.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
On the way home from the doctor's office, in the Son family car…  
  
"Aw, Mom, has he stopped singing yet?" Goten wailed, as he reluctantly took his hands off of his ears. Candy was sitting besides him in the back seat, and she had been listening intently the entire time to Roshi's singing and talking.  
  
"Yes, finally," Chichi sighed in relief. And then her voice rose, "But how could they know that Candy was pregnant?"  
  
"Yes, how could they, especially Roshi?" Candy asked, puzzled. "I didn't call over there at all."  
  
"Perhaps Baba was there," Goku suggested. He turned around to look at Candy from the front as he drove. "Candy, why don't you give Master Roshi a second chance?"  
  
Candy smiled, and her eyes were misty with tears. "I do miss him," she whispered. "And he may be a porn-ogling, girl-watching pervert, but he's my porn-ogling, girl-watching pervert!"  
  
"That's the spirit!" Goku said brightly, still looking at Candy. He was paying no attention to the road ahead of him until a traffic light came up and Chichi abruptly seized the wheel and pulled the car to a dead stop.  
  
"SCREECH!"  
  
"Goku!" Chichi shouted. "Pay attention to the road! You could have got us all killed!"  
Goku looked towards his wife and slumped into his seat. "Sorry, Chichi." He looked out into the traffic. "What have I done? It could have been worse!"  
  
"Yes, it could have!" Chichi scolded her husband sharply. Goku looked more ashamed than ever, and Chichi sighed, deciding to let up on him. "But at least we're safe. Goku, why don't you take us all to Kame House, so that Candy and Roshi can talk."  
  
Goku smiled then. "Sure thing, Chichi! Everyone touch me, and away we will go!"   
  
Chichi, Goten, and Candy touched Goku, and Goku used a free hand to teleport all of them over to Kame House. Shocked and stunned onlookers in traffic watched as the car and the people inside vanished without a trace.  
  
_________________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
A/N: Will Roshi and Candy manage to resolve their differences? And what about Lane Pierce's offer for Candy to see his agency about modeling? Will Candy still be able to get a job there, even if she is pregnant? And will Roshi will change his "porn-ogling/girl-watching" ways? Stay tuned!  
  
By the way, I do not own the rights to "I Want Candy" by The Strangeloves, or Brenda Lee's "I'm Sorry". The songs are the property of the artists, the songwriters, and whomever else is involved.  
  
Master Roshi: But I wrote "I Want Candy"! I'm telling you that I did! They just wouldn't let me record it!  
  
Me: Sure you did, Master Roshi. 


	11. Chapter Eleven: Nice New Beginning For A...

Chapter Eleven: Nice New Beginning For A Dirty Old Man  
  
Kame House…  
  
"I hope that Candy heard my songs," Roshi said wistfully, as he sat down in his recliner. He was unusually quiet, not even turning on the television. The only sound in the room was the music playing from the radio. Baba was meditating on top of her crystal ball with her eyes peacefully closed shut. Oolong and Umigame were sleeping, with Oolong resting on top of Umigame's shell. Juuhachigou and Krillin were playing gin rummy while Marron pensively played with her "Candy Apple The Academy Award Winner" doll in the "Candy Apple Dream Mansion" on the floor. By this time, Marron had two other Candy Apple dolls, a "Candy Apple The Policewoman" doll, and a "Candy Apple The Schoolteacher" doll, and all three dolls were "sleeping" in their luxurious bedrooms in the Dream Mansion. Marron no longer felt much like playing; she wanted the real Candy Apple back.  
  
"I wish that I could go get the Dragonballs, so that I could wish that Candy could come back right now," she said mournfully, as she made sure her Candy Apple The Academy Award Winner doll was tucked in her bed correctly  
  
But Marron would not need the Dragonballs, for at that moment, a red compact car materialized right behind Roshi's green leather couch! And inside the car were Goku, Chichi, Goten-and Candy!  
  
Everyone jumped up with a start, and Marron started racing towards the car when she saw Candy. Oolong fell to the floor hard when Umigame abruptly arose, and Juuhachigou and Krillin dropped all of their cards.  
  
Chichi was already yelling at Goku, "Goku, couldn't you have teleported outside Kame House instead of inside with the car?"  
  
"Sorry, Chichi," Goku apologized meekly, as he turned off the car's engine. "My instant transmission technique always takes me to wherever I can sense someone's ki. No one was outside at this time."  
  
Roshi and the other Kame House occupants coughed on the fading exhaust before it completely dissipated. Candy hurriedly climbed out of the car that was still parked inside of the Kame House living room, and after giving little Marron a loving hug and kiss, she rushed over to Roshi. But before she could reach him, she slowed down and began walking slower towards the man that she had come to love so much. Roshi looked at her hesitantly, longingly, as Candy came closer and closer to him.  
  
"Roshi?" Candy said timidly, as she finally made it to him. She held out her hands and Roshi slowly took them, as he looked up into her deep green eyes. Gently, he laid an aged hand on her still-flat stomach. He could feel the tiny trace of ki emitting from her abdomen.  
  
"I don't believe it," Roshi whispered. "Even though I feel it, I find it hard to believe that I'm going to be a father." He laughed nervously. "To be honest with you, Candy, I always thought that by this time that I'd be too old to father children, but…it seems that fate had other things in mind for me, for us." He winked at her, as Candy watched him with all her heart in her eyes.  
  
"Do you truly want to be a father?" she asked nervously. A part of her still feared that Roshi would not want to help take care of their child, even though Goku assured her that Roshi wouldn't abandon her.  
  
Roshi chuckled. "I'm not going to lie to you, Candy; I am a bit worried about how an old man such as myself would do for a father, but…I'm willing to give it a go. After all, I wouldn't mind having someone to train to become a fine warrior again."  
  
"If he can get away from the girlie mags long enough to do so," Oolong snickered in a whisper to Umigame.  
  
"He promised that he wouldn't look at those mags anymore," Umigame whispered back in response. Of course, Umigame, like the other Kame House occupants, were skeptical as to how long this promise of Roshi's would last. They also wondered how long Roshi would be able to keep his eyes (and his hands) off of young ladies.  
  
"Actually," Candy began, "I've been doing some serious thinking on the way home from the doctor's office, and if no one minds, I would like to speak to Roshi alone outside."  
  
"No problem," Roshi told her, and he followed the love of his life outside. When Roshi and Candy had gone outdoors, Goku patted his stomach and smiled.  
  
"Boy, am I hungry," he said. "What's here to eat?"  
  
Krillin began to rattle off the names of some of the foodstuffs in the house, but Chichi interrupted him, saying, "Before Goku eats anything, I want him to get that car out of the house!"  
  
"Yes," Juuhachigou agreed. "This is a living room, not a garage."  
  
"Will do!" Goku piped up cheerfully, and he touched the car and teleported himself and the vehicle outside. When he left, the Kame House occupants sighed and moaned.  
  
"Have we been grocery shopping at all this week?" Umigame asked.  
  
"Nope," Oolong stated. "And most of that stuff that Krillin mentioned me and Roshi ate yesterday. We did what girls did when they get depressed-eat enough for three Gokus! We don't have enough food right now to feed ourselves, let alone him."  
  
"Hey, we don't eat like that when we get depressed!" Chichi protested angrily.  
  
"I don't anyway," Juuhachigou added wryly. "I just go beat up someone."  
  
"And what will you so depressed about, Oolong?" Krillin wanted to know. "I figured that you were happy not to have to pick up after yourself while Candy had been gone."  
  
Oolong sighed, "My girl, Connie, won't talk to me anymore. In fact, she told me never to call again. And all because I said that I wanted her to mail me a picture of her wearing whip cream on her boobs and private parts."  
  
"Just WHO is CONNIE?" everyone asked.  
  
Umigame grinned. "Connie was Oolong's favorite phone-sex operator."  
  
Everyone fell over backwards, just as Goku teleported himself back into the house. Oolong was too embarrassed to go on to add that the other girls in "Connie's" phone-sex company had also told the perverted pig never to call them again.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
On the beach of Roshi's island…  
  
"What was it that you wanted to talk to me about, love?" Roshi asked Candy. He and Candy were sitting on the shore with their bare feet in the rushing tides of the ocean. Candy was wearing a simple knee-length white dress with puffed sleeves, and Roshi was in one of his usual suits.  
  
"Roshi, do you truly love me?" Candy asked softly.  
  
"Of course I do," Roshi told her firmly. "You are the first woman in years who has seen me as more than just a dirty old man. You make me feel young, Candy; you make me feel whole. It's been a long time since a woman has accepted me and loved me unconditionally. I want you in my life, Candy, and if I have to give up my girlie magazines forever to keep you, then I will do just that. Paper dolls don't compare to you. In fact, they don't even come close. I'll even stop flirting altogether with other women and girls."  
  
Candy smiled. "Do you really mean that?"  
  
"Absolutely," Roshi said decisively. "It's going to be hard to give up that habit, but with you around, I believe that I can do it."  
  
"And you would never leave me for another female?"  
  
"No way!" Roshi exclaimed. "Candy, you are the most beautiful woman in the world to me, don't you know that?"  
  
"I do now," Candy said chokingly. "Especially after you sang those songs to me on the air; that was very sweet. Roshi, I threw out all those magazines because I was afraid that you found those girls prettier than me. I was afraid that you would fantasize about them every time that you and I made love; I was afraid…that you were secretly comparing me to them, and that I would never measure up." A tear slipped from one of her emerald eyes, and Roshi caught it with his thumb.  
  
"You more than measure up, Candy," Roshi assured her, drawing her into his arms. Candy rested her head on Roshi's shoulder. "And yes, Candy, I do find other women and girls attractive, but you are the most beautiful in my eyes. Those other females catch my eye, but you're the only one who catches my heart. I would never betray you, not for anything."  
  
Candy said softly, "So, if you were ever able to look at those magazines again, I would still come first?"  
  
"Definitely. But I've given them up for good, so you don't have to worry about that." Roshi was prepared-somewhat-to give up his prized pornography forever, but he wasn't prepared for Candy's next words:  
  
"Roshi, what if I were to tell you…that I now know that I am the only woman in your life…that you could keep your magazines?"  
  
Roshi looked at her incredulously, with his eyes bulging out. "Ca-Candy, are you sure that you want to let me do that?"  
  
Candy smiled. "I still don't entirely approve of those things, but I realize that there are worse things that you could be doing. Besides, those girls are just pictures, and I know now that you'll never leave me for them. And none of them are the mother of your child. So, Roshi, if you agree to keep those magazines of yours out of the hands and away from the eyes of this child and anymore that we have, I'll have no more objections."  
  
"And about the flirting?" Roshi asked with a wink.  
  
Candy narrowed her eyes. "Don't push your luck, mister," she warned. "You're my man now." She wouldn't mind as much now, if Roshi flirted with other girls, because she was secure in the knowledge that she was his one and only (of course, she had no intention of telling him this thought). However, if he touched those other ladies…  
  
Roshi chuckled. "Just wanted to get a rise out of you!" He and Candy both knew that Roshi wouldn't completely stop being his old, perverted self, but now it would be a milder version of the old Roshi. And the rest of the younger female population would be safer, now that the "dirty old man" had a love all his own.  
  
Candy leaned over and kissed him firmly on his lips. "And if you promise to behave yourself, I'll work on my jealous streak. I'll always be possessive of you, Roshi, but I'll try not to fly off the handle when some young thing tries something on you."  
  
Roshi chuckled. "Actually, I find your jealousy flattering…just as long as no girlie winds up dead or permanently harmed."  
  
Candy smiled and cuddled closer to the aged martial artist. "Seriously though, I will do better to control myself…as long as those young things keep their hands to themselves!"  
  
Roshi laughed and said with a grin, "How about some good old-fashioned skinny-dipping?"  
  
"Works for me," Candy said brightly. "I'm not wearing any panties or a bra at the moment." She casually slipped off her dress.  
  
"Woo, yeah!" Roshi cheered, like an overly sexed sixteen-year-old boy. He began to undress himself.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
An hour later…  
  
"OOLONG, STOP LOOKING OUT THAT WINDOW!" Chichi screamed.  
  
Oolong grumbled something about loudmouthed women, as he reluctantly drew away from the front picture window, where he had been excitedly watching a nude Candy swim in the frothy ocean with Roshi. "It's not my fault that Candy decided to go swimming au naturel, although it would have been nice, if that old man had kept his clothes on."  
  
No one disagreed with the last half of Oolong's sentence.  
  
"It looks like they made up," Krillin said contentedly.   
  
"I'm glad that Master Roshi's happy," Goku said cheerfully. "Although, I never thought of him having a girlfriend, I'm thrilled for both of them."  
  
"I pity Candy," Baba, Chichi, and Juuhachigou all said at once.  
  
"What do you see in Candy and Roshi's future, Baba?" Goku inquired.  
  
Baba grinned, deciding to give this prediction for free. "I see…Candy becoming my future sister-in-law, and me having a nephew that'll drive me nuts, but will be loved very much anyway. Now as to whether marriage will settle my pervert of a brother…well, that remains to be seen."  
  
Yes, that did remain to be seen, but for now, Candy and Roshi were happy. The Kame House residents could hear the happy shrieks of Candy and Roshi playing and splashing about outside. And Krillin and Juuhachigou were now seeing if they had enough money to treat everyone to pizza, and to give Goku the prerequisite five large pizzas that he always ate every time.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Dende's Palace…  
  
"So the doll and the pervert are back together…and they're going to have a baby…you help that poor child, especially with parents like Candy and Roshi!" Piccolo sighed heavily.  
  
Dende laughed, smoothing out his robe. "C'mon, Piccolo, it won't be that bad. Not bad at all really, as long as Roshi keeps his magazines out of his child's reach. Candy and Roshi will be good parents, no matter what their faults, and that child will be loved to pieces with all the people in Kame House to look after him."  
  
"What makes you so sure that that child will be a boy?" Piccolo asked sharply.  
  
Dende chuckled. "Baba's never lied yet."  
_______________________________________________________________________  
A/N: It's near the end--finally! I bet those of you who are still reading thought that I was never going to finish this, but I'm just one or two chapters away from the end.  
  
Also, in a week or so, I hope to come out with a continuation, a sequel of sorts to "Be Careful", only this time, it will be an Oolong romance, and then possibly later there will be a Yajarobe/Mai romance (yes, I know you are wondering how I will pull THAT one off, and frankly right now, so am I). I'm thinking seriously of doing as many romances as I can for some of the oddball male characters in DBZ, the ones that never get paired with anyone. So don't stray too far; details will come soon enough. 


	12. Chapter Twelve: Roshi Settling Down? St...

Chapter Twelve: Roshi Settling Down? Strange, But True.  
  
Four months later, Capsule Corp.…  
  
"For the last time, woman, I don't see why I have to attend this wedding between the old man and his doll!" Vegeta huffed in his and Bulma's bedroom, as Bulma was tying his tie on properly. To this day, Vegeta still could not fasten his tie properly without choking himself, and Bulma either had to do it for him or risk having Vegeta disintegrate an expensive tie.  
  
"Because I like to see you in a white tux. You do look very handsome in one, Vegeta," Bulma purred with a seductive expression on her face. She straightened his red tie perfectly. "And besides, you don't want anyone showing you up as better-dressed, especially Goku or Master Roshi, now do you?" The white tuxedo had been purchased for Gohan and Videl's wedding, and Vegeta, on Bulma's insistence, was wearing it to this wedding as well.  
  
Vegeta grumbled, "Of course not." He didn't care much about clothes, and it was only because of his mate's insistence that he wore clothes other than his training suits, bodysuits, or a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. If he had his way, he wouldn't be attending this ceremony at all; he cared nothing for Roshi or his chosen mate. Besides, the old pervert had already impregnated his woman, and that pretty much bonded them together, so what was the point of celebrating it with a big, frivolous ceremony, similar to the one that he went through years ago to keep Bulma with him?  
  
But Bulma was smiling at him, running a slender finger along his jaw, and Vegeta grinned. "Is there an incentive later tonight, if I go through with attending the perverted old man's wedding?"  
  
Bulma chuckled. "Possibly…I think that could be arranged. I could wear that red satin teddy…"  
  
Vegeta had just learned in the past five years to appreciate Bulma's sexy nightwear that she wore for him. In their first few years as a couple, Vegeta used to get annoyed with Bulma wearing teddies and nightgowns because he thought that the flimsy clothing got in the way of what he wanted. Bulma had spent enormous sums of money during that time replacing ruined lingerie that Vegeta so casually ripped off of her body. He was getting better about it though; in the past year, he had only ripped off seven of Bulma's nightclothes. He did like the red teddy though; it suited her.  
  
"The red teddy it is," he said with a smirk. "Now let's go get this over with. The main reason I'm going though other than the promise of your body is the food at the reception."  
  
Bulma laughed. Vegeta would never change completely; he was almost always in a hurry, and always hungry.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"I hate wearing ties!" Goten, who was now nine, complained, as Chichi finished fastening his tie. Goten did look cute in a little black tuxedo and blue tie, but he hated his dress clothes, especially when his mother had forbidden him to go sparring in them with Trunks. He had to wear that despised tuxedo and tie a month ago when Gohan and Videl had finally married. (He had served as their ring boy, and although he had been happy with the honor, he had hated dressing up.) Gohan and Videl were now living in their own little capsule house that had been given to them as a wedding present from Hercule.  
  
"C'mon, little brother, it's not so bad," Gohan told Goten. "Don't you want to look good today, like you did at mine and Videl's wedding?"  
  
"Hell, no!" a sulky Goten said vociferously.  
  
"GOTEN!" Chichi exclaimed angrily.  
  
"Sorry," Goten mumbled.  
  
"It's not going to kill you to look nice once in a while," Chichi scolded. "You survived wearing these clothes at your brother's wedding last month."  
  
"Yeah, barely," Goten grumbled.  
  
"That's enough," Chichi rebuked him. "Now where's your father?"  
  
Goku came stumbling into Goten's bedroom at that moment, and his face was blue. The world's strongest warrior was being strangled by his own tie, and he was desperately trying to free himself. Chichi and Goten rushed to his aid, and within minutes, they had freed Goku of his confining tie.  
  
"Goku," Chichi sighed. "You and Vegeta are just alike. Neither one of you has yet to know how to put on a tie properly." She began to work on fastening his tie properly.  
  
"Do I really have to wear this thing, Chichi?" Goku wanted to know. "I nearly strangled myself with it when I attended Gohan's wedding to Videl."  
  
"If Dad doesn't have to wear his, I don't have to wear mine," Goten declared.  
  
"Every man in this family is wearing a tie!" Chichi fumed, and after that there was no more argument.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"This wedding sure is going to be somewhat expensive," Oolong sighed. "But at least the food will be good."  
  
Umigame said, "Thanks to Candy's new modeling job, there will be money coming in for a while. Her first check went to cover this wedding." Umigame was wearing a black tie around his neck, and that was his only clothing. He was thankful to be a turtle and not have to bother with clothing often the way that others did.  
  
"I didn't think a modeling agency would hire a pregnant woman," Oolong declared, as he adjusted his tie. "I thought that a girl had to be stick-thin these days to be a model."  
  
"Well," Umigame told him. "From what Master Roshi's told me, there was a clothing company specifically asking for a pregnant model, and so Beautique Modeling Agency signed Candy to them after Candy was hired, and the company, called Fulfillment Maternity Wear, hired Candy on a one-year-contract. So things are looking up for both of them, and Beautique already has Candy on some special exercise-and-diet regimen, so that after she has the baby, she'll be able to continue working when she's ready. Right now, Candy is modeling lingerie for Fulfillment Maternity."  
  
"Do you think that she can get me some free panties?" Oolong inquired.  
  
Umigame groaned. He had often wanted to ask Oolong what he did with all the ladies' underwear that he collected, but he figured that he was better off not knowing.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"You're not going to the wedding?" Dende asked Piccolo. He wasn't either, so he couldn't really reproach the older Namek about not attending.  
  
"Nah," Piccolo replied. "I don't know Roshi or Candy all that well, and I can see what I want to see from up here. How is their baby doing inside of his mother's womb?"  
  
"Very well," Dende said pleasantly. "Candy plans to name him Kane. As in Candy Kane."  
  
"Let me guess, if she has another son, he'll be Candy Korn or something," Piccolo sighed.  
  
Dende chuckled, "Probably."  
  
"So is Popo still seeing what's-her-name?"  
  
"Flory? Yeah, although it's taken her some time to get over the shock that Popo was an ancient genie. She believed him more when he brought her up here two weeks ago, and it took us awhile to bring her out of shock. But she's adjusting now, I think, although she's still finding this part of Popo's life hard to believe."  
  
"So, do you have a love life yet?" Piccolo inquired.  
  
Dende laughed nervously, "Not yet, Piccolo, not yet."  
  
"Smart boy."  
  
"Women can't be all that bad, you know."  
  
"I'm not saying that they are, Dende. But my chances of finding a woman who'll accept me for who and what I am would be difficult. Plus, it's not a huge priority."  
  
"It does get lonely up here, even with Popo," Dende said wistfully. "I envy Roshi today, just like I did Gohan last month. I've never seen Gohan so happy that day, did you, Piccolo?"  
  
"Nope, and I was happy for him. I don't attend many weddings, as you know; Krillin had literally begged me to go to his wedding, and Vegeta threatened me into going to his, but Gohan's was a real pleasure to attend. It's strange to see him a married man now, but Videl is a good match for him, even if she is Hercule's daughter."  
  
Dende chuckled. "I never thought you, of all people, would agree to wear a tuxedo! I don't know if Gohan was happier that you had agreed to be his best man, or that he was finally marrying his Videl. The way that you made your white tuxedo come out of mid-air was amazing. You should dress like that more often."  
  
"No thank you," Piccolo scoffed. "I only did that for Gohan-and so I wouldn't have to hear his mother later on my being dressed 'inappropriately'. No, Dende, I will not be wearing another tuxedo anytime soon." He then sat down on the marble tiles to meditate and closed his eyes, so that he could join Dende in watching the wedding festivities…  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Happy tears glistened in the dark jade eyes of Candy, as she gracefully twirled around in her and Roshi's bedroom. They had decided to have their wedding on the beach, with a cookout afterwards. Although their wedding was simple, Candy's dress wasn't. Candy was wearing an elaborate off-the-shoulder gown with short, tulle sleeves, a bodice decorated with pink pearls that hugged her breasts perfectly, and a bell-shaped skirt covered in Chantilly lace, with the lace trimmed with the same pink pearls. The skirt hid her bulging abdomen well, and in the full gown, Candy barely looked pregnant. She also wore a diaphanous, cathedral-length train that was also decorated with pink pearls and had a bouquet cap with pink and white roses in it. Her candy-apple red hair was left long, loose, and flowing, with soft curls everywhere. White satin pumps with pink, tulle bows adorned her feet.  
  
Juuhachigou and Chichi were helping Candy dress, and Juuhachigou was straightening Candy's veil. Little Marron, the flower girl, was sitting on the bed, dressed in a lacy pink, princess-style dress with a white sash on her waist. Marron's hair was curled and held back with a pink ribbon, and her mother had permitted her to wear a bit of blush and lipstick. Juuhachigou was Candy's matron-of-honor and Chichi was Candy's only bridesmaid. Oolong served as the best man, and Goku, Krillin, and Umigame were groomsmen. Goten was the ring boy.  
  
"Oh, I am so nervous!" Candy exclaimed, suddenly worried and pale. "What if my train rips, or my veil flies away, or my roses wilt, or a giant tidal wave comes to sweep us all away. Or what if Roshi changes his mind? What if I change my mind? And what if-"  
  
"Calm down," Juuhachigou scolded. "You're getting married, not going into battle."  
  
"True, very true," Candy panted, as she straightened her clothing for the umpteenth time. "Well, how do I look?" she asked, as she briefly paraded around in her wedding finery.  
  
"Very pretty!" Marron squealed with delight.  
  
"Beautiful," Juuhachigou told Candy honestly.  
  
Someone knocked on the door just then. "Are you ladies ready or what? I'm starved for that good food at the cookout later!" Oolong declared. "Is it safe for me to come in?"  
  
"As long as you're not marrying Candy today," Juuhachigou quipped. Oolong walked slowly into the room and wolf-whistled when he saw Candy. Candy's blush stood out against the paleness of her skin, and the pig noticed.  
  
"I don't know what's whiter," he quipped. "Your dress or your face."  
  
So did Master Roshi, who was already dressed as handsomely as possible in a black tuxedo with a white, ruffled shirt and red bowtie. Umigame was behind him. They were in the doorway of the bedroom, and Roshi was covering his eyes so that he would not see Candy before the wedding. Candy turned away from his direction to avoid looking at him.  
  
"Is Candy okay?" he asked worriedly.  
  
"She probably just had wedding jitters," Oolong replied. "I can imagine that she's nervous, but then who wouldn't be marrying you?"  
  
Roshi growled, "You're asking for it, Oolong! If I wasn't forbidden to look at Candy right now, I'd come over and give you one!"  
  
Oolong merely snickered, and while he was mocking his friend, Candy's color returned to normal. She smiled. "I'm ready, if you all are."  
  
"We've been ready," Juuhachigou told her.  
  
"Then let's get this show on the road-err, I mean the sand. Let's hurry up and get this done with," Oolong ordered.   
  
"Do you have a hot date?" Juuhachigou asked sharply.  
  
"Yeah, I sure do," Oolong replied with a grin.  
  
"The wedding cake doesn't count," Umigame said, smiling.  
  
"No one asked you, Turtle!" Oolong snapped, and everyone chuckled.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A white wooden arbor trimmed with pink and white roses had been set up on the beach, and a pink, velvet carpet led straight to the arbor, where the minister would marry Candy and Roshi. Roshi and Candy were standing in front of the minister, their heads bowed in prayer (although some of the guests had secretly made fun of the sight of the old pervert praying), and everyone else was praying with the minister.  
  
Folding chairs had been set up along the carpet path. Vegeta and Bulma and Trunks were there, and Trunks had been making goofy faces at Goten during the praying until Bulma cuffed him and made him stop. Goten was trying to remain solemn, but even he had made a silly face at Trunks and stuck out his tongue at his best friend before his mother gave him the evil eye, from where she was holding Candy's train.  
  
Goku's stomach was rumbling loudly throughout the praying; he had not eaten at all before he and his family came to the wedding. The long prayer for Candy and Roshi that the minister was reciting reminded Krillin of his old life back at the monastery, where he once trained to become a monk. He was definitely glad that he had not chosen to remain a holy man, especially now that he had his beloved Juuhachigou. Juuhachigou was looking impatient, wondering how long it honestly took for someone to pray. The praying continued for five more minutes, and both Oolong and Umigame were having a hard time staying awake.  
  
Gohan and Videl were sitting together, still in the honeymoon stage of their relationship. Videl was nestled against Gohan, and Gohan looked content, even though he thought that the minister could hurry up the praying. Vegeta, Trunks, and Bulma were sitting in front of them.  
  
"How long does it take for someone to ask for blessings for a couple?" Vegeta grumbled. "If he had prayed this long back on my planet, he would have been pummeled. Do human holy men really have to talk so much?" He would have continued to rant, if Bulma had not shushed him.   
  
Tien, Lunch, and Chaoztu were sitting in front of Vegeta, Bulma, and Trunks, and they were still shocked and amazed, like everyone else attending the wedding, that someone would actually marry Roshi out of their own free will. Roshi was a decent fellow for a pervert, but him marrying a young, vibrant woman such as Candy? It defied all logic, but since when had logic ever been a major factor in the life of the Z warriors and their friends?  
  
Finally, the praying had stopped, and the minister was guiding Candy and Roshi through their vows. Candy was holding Roshi's hand, as Goten stepped closer to the altar to present the rings to Candy and Roshi.  
  
When the minister asked Roshi, if he would take Candy to be his wife, Roshi had shouted, "Oh, yeah!" And then he almost tripped in his excitement, but Candy caught him by his arm.  
  
When Candy was asked, she blushed and merely said a shy yes, and then Goten lifted the velvet heart-shaped pillow to the couple, so that they could exchange rings. Roshi slid a lovely gold ring onto Candy's finger that held a half-carat diamond with two small emeralds on each side, and Candy put a simple gold band on his aged finger.  
  
"Now if anyone here can give just cause as to why these two should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace."  
  
Vegeta thought privately that the two deserved each other, and all the women, even Bulma, pitied Candy, but as long as Candy and Roshi were happy…that was the important thing. But surprisingly, no one said a word; no matter what their differences and idiosyncrasies were, Candy and Roshi were definitely suited for each other.  
  
Candy and Roshi then passionately seized each other and kissed deeply and fervently, with Candy bending down towards Roshi. The minister nudged Roshi and whispered, "Sir, we're not quite at that part yet."  
  
But nothing was going to stop this odd couple from showing their passion and love for one another, so the minister sighed happily and said, "I now pronounce you two husband and wife…"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The cookout had been set up buffet-style, with Chichi, Bulma (who had come to an armed truce with Candy in the past few months), Juuhachigou, and Lunch serving the guests hot dogs, hamburgers, kielbasas, Polish sausages, chicken, steaks, baked potatoes, chips and salads. Even Candy, the bride, was helping them out a bit; she had changed into a lovely sky-blue sundress with spaghetti straps, and her radiant face was the most beautiful part about her that day.  
  
Vegeta and Goku were getting restless because they were in their tuxedos, and their wives had forbidden them to spar in their best clothes. The sparring restrictions did not inhibit Goten and Trunks however, and the two boys, forgetting their mothers' orders, began to wrestle and fight in the sand until their mothers came to break them up.  
  
An hour or so later, both boys were standing next to the punch bowl, and the boys were greedily gulping down the orangeade champagne punch, even though they were supposed to only drink the various soft drinks that were residing in the coolers. But the punch was ever so much tangier and refreshing, and Trunks and Goten drank cup after cup. Goten even offered little Marron some, and soon Marron was joining the boys in emptying the punch bowl.  
  
Meanwhile, a deejay was playing various tunes, from soft, classical music to loud rock tunes, as many of the adults danced upon the sand when they had finished eating some time later. Vegeta was even dancing, and he danced surprisingly well, dipping and holding Bulma perfectly. Vegeta used to refuse to dance, but when he realized that his refusal to dance meant that Bulma would do so with other men, he quickly learned a few Earth dances to keep his mate with him. There was no way that his mate would be allowed to dance so closely with other men, even if they were her friends and his comrades.  
  
Goku's dancing resembled sparring, but with Chichi's help in the past, he could "dance" without stepping on her feet. Juuhachigou and Krillin were the best dancers of all, surpassed only by Candy and Roshi, who together could dance everything from the Macarena to tangos to waltzes. Yamucha and Chaoztu were dancing alone to the music, followed by Oolong, who was dancing with Puar, who was twirling and dipping in the air. Tien was dancing with Lunch, who was in her tamer form at this time.  
  
But that wouldn't last for long. Oolong, almost as perverted as Roshi, decided to leave Puar and see whose dress he could peek under. While everyone was occupied, Oolong had transformed himself into a small gold mirror with wings, and he surreptitiously flew under Lunch's flowing pale blue dress. He got an enticing view of a pair of white, lacy bikini panties. He was so entranced with the view, trying to figure out how to swipe them without being killed, that he lost track of time, and before he knew it, his five minutes were almost up.  
  
Unfortunately for him, a puff of sand blew in Lunch's direction-and Lunch sneezed, turning herself into her dangerous, blond alter ego. At the same time, Oolong unwittingly transformed back into his natural form, and when he was back in pig form, his face and snout were still under Lunch's dress.  
  
"OOLONG!" Tien exclaimed angrily.   
  
Oolong's eyes widened; from the murderous glare in the eyes of Tien's girlfriend, he knew he would be lucky, if she killed him quickly.  
  
"You're dead, pig!" Lunch hissed, as she kicked him out from under her dress. Out of nowhere, she produced her machine gun. "I'm going to serve you up as part of the main course! Come here now, you pervert! Peek under my dress, will you?"  
  
Oolong couldn't transform right away, so all he could do was run across the sand, as Lunch fired several rounds of ammunition towards him. Tien and some other Z warriors followed after her to try to prevent a murder, but Lunch in her transformed state was almost as fast as the Z warriors themselves. Lunch continued to shoot at Oolong, and when she ran out of bullets, she just whipped out another gun from nowhere and continued her assaults.  
  
"Lunch, stop!" Tien cried, but even he knew that there was no reasoning with his girlfriend at this point.  
  
While he and others were trying to save Oolong from Lunch's wrath, Vegeta was just standing in his spot, laughing openly at Oolong's peril; he never liked the pig to begin with, and he secretly admired Lunch when she was in this form. Bulma sighed heavily and stayed near Vegeta, knowing that there was nothing that she could do to save Oolong at this time. By now, Oolong had transformed into a bat, and he was flying to the roof to escape Lunch's wrath.  
  
Meanwhile, two drunken little half-Saiyan boys had transformed into Super Saiyans and fused, so now the Z warriors had a besotted Gotenks to deal with, as well as an angry Lunch. Gotenks was dancing about wildly, devouring the remaining food on the table at a rate that not even Vegeta or Goku could match. Bulma and Chichi frantically rushed to stop Gotenks from devouring everything, and even Vegeta joined them. He wasn't about to allow Gotenks to hog all of the food.   
  
Meanwhile, little Marron, fully intoxicated, had stripped down to her underwear, and she had decided that she was really a mermaid, so she ran straight into the ocean, and Juuhachigou took off after her. The swift android managed to catch up with her inebriated child before she could get any deeper into the water, and Marron kicked and struggled against her mother's strong grip.  
  
"But, Mommeeeeeeeee, I'm a merrrrrr…maaaaaid! If I don't get back in the water, I'll dieeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Marron slurred.  
  
"I need some black coffee for her now!" Juuhachigou ordered the other guests, as Marron continued to fight her mother and insist that her home was in the ocean.  
  
Meanwhile, after close to thirty minutes, Tien had finally managed to capture Lunch, and he waved a feather under her nose; he always kept the feather, of a species that he knew that Lunch was allergic to, for occasions such as this. Lunch violently struggled in her boyfriend's arms, determined to get to Oolong, until she finally sneezed.  
  
"AH-CHOO!"  
  
And much to everyone's eternal relief, Lunch was back to her old self, the calmer, safer version. She looked up at Tien, puzzled. "Tien, why are you holding me so tight?"  
  
A relieved Tien chuckled. "Because I want to keep you as close to me as possible!" His comrades fell over backwards, and Oolong almost tumbled off of the roof.  
  
At this time, Chichi, Bulma, and Juuhachigou were forcing their drunken children to drink black coffee. By this time, Goten and Trunks had defused. "We haaaaaaate coffeeeeeee!" all three of them chimed in a slur. But their mothers forced the liquid into them anyway.  
  
Candy sighed to Roshi, who had his arm wrapped around her waist. "Well, Roshi, I always said that I wanted the wedding and the reception to be memorable, and I certainly got my wish."  
  
Roshi chuckled.   
  
Umigame, who was with them, said wisely, "Always be careful for what you wish for, because it just might come true!"  
  
Roshi chuckled again. "I certainly learned that lesson!" And in his old eyes, the lesson had been worth all the while.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Bulma had given the couple a sky car for their wedding present, and Roshi and Candy were preparing to go to their weeklong honeymoon in Hawaii. Roshi helped Candy into the white sky car with leather interior, and he closed the door. Roshi climbed in beside her on the driver side.  
  
Before Trunks, Goten, and Marron had become intoxicated, they had attached an old white sheet (pilfered from Chichi's linen closet) that said in big, red letters, "JUSST MARYIED" (yes, that's exactly how they spelled that phrase). They also taped strings that held tin cans to the back bumper, along with some of Goten's balloons, which read, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY". The children would not get to see Candy and Roshi off, however, for their mothers had put them to bed in the guest room, which had been Candy's old room.  
  
"Goodbye, everyone!" Candy called out to her friends and guests.  
  
"So long, everyone!" Roshi shouted from his seat.  
  
"Enjoy your honeymoon!" Umigame told them.  
  
"They already did, long before the ceremony," Oolong quipped. "Why do you think Candy's knocked up right now?"  
  
Juuhachigou rewarded him with a cuff to his head.  
  
"Thanks, Juuhachi!" Roshi told her.  
  
"That was uncalled for," Oolong grumbled, as he rubbed his sore head.  
  
Everyone waved farewell. "Bye Candy! Bye Roshi!" many of them called. "Have fun!"  
  
Roshi settling down was not normal, but then the Z fighters and their friends didn't know the meaning of the word. And Roshi was happy with his Candy; that was the important thing.  
  
"Bye-bye!" Roshi and Candy called, as their car pulled off into the sky. They continued to shout and call out to their guests until their car was a white dot in the twilight.  
  
THE END 


End file.
